We wonder many a time what makes relationship work and partnerships click !. There may not be a magic wand with anyone to make this happen. So I decided to reflect on this subject based on my personal experiences of great relationships and partnerships in my career and life.

I have introspected my life long partnership with my spouse. I have also thought about great colleagues at work and also suppliers and customers with whom I have partnered and delivered great results. To my surprise, I found that the basis of all relationships whether personal or official were similar.

I have distilled five critical conditions to make a relationship/partnership work. They are “Unconditionality”, “Mutual-respect”, “Give & take”, “Let go” and “Open & flexible”. While they may not be listed in any order of preference, each of them are critical for the success of a partnership and building of a relationship.

I will dwell on each of the conditions and try to illustrate with an example of how to apply it and make it work. All my examples are based on my personal life experiences although I do not mention names of people involved to protect their privacy.

The first condition of “Unconditionality” can best be explained by explaining the relationship with your spouse. I have been married for 38 years and still counting. Although we have had our own share of joy, sorrow and tiffs, our relationship has grown and matured over the years. This is primarily due to this condition of “Unconditionality”. We do not live or relate based on any terms and conditions. Our reactions are spontaneous and straight from the heart. We enjoy together and fight easily but have the resolve to mutually resolve all differences by ourselves.

The second factor is of “Mutual respect”. I worked with a consultant two decades back on a project. Although we met for the first time as a supplier and a customer this relationship has evolved and grown into a life long friendship due to immense mutual respect we have for each other. I have not yet met a person, who is more knowledgable than him on his subject and still he deals with me with utmost respect and dignity.

The next factor is “Give & take”. When I joined a particular organisation in my career, I realised that our relationship with the unions was not very cordial. Both the union and management filed atleast one case against each other every month. I wanted to transform this relationship and volunteered not only to stop filing cased against the unions but also volunteered to withdraw all pending cases and sit across the table and resolve it cordially through discussions except for violence or unethical conducts by employees. The union reciprocated willingly and till the end of my tenure in this organisation we did not have a single case filed against each other.

The fourth factor is to “Let go”. Most of us carry our grudge for years, if not decades and this prevents us from “letting go” or forgiving someone. The art of forgiving can heal a relationship and build foundations for a great rebuilding of a broken partnership or a relationship. I have experienced this in many personal relationships, which would have ruined , if not for my or someone else’s magnanimity to “let go”.

The last factor is being “Open & flexible”. We drive ourselves to a dead end in most relationships or partnership , as we refuse to be flexible and adaptive and open to feedback and change. If we can build this into our day to day life , relationships would be enriched and partnerships sustainable. The best example I can think of is when teams start fighting on the playground over a silly fowl. It could sometimes even lead to physical tiff and violence. Just being open and flexible to accept a genuine mistake by the players or the referee , could build great relationships.

It may be worthwhile to try these five mantras to build great relationship/partnerships in our lives.

S Ramesh Shankar

4th Feb 2023