Sharing your emotions…

Many people think that is it mature and manly not to share emotions with others. I should confess that I was also very reluctant to share my feelings with others. I always felt I could suppress my emotions and get away with it. The first time I ever cried with tears in my eyes was only when I lit my father’s pyre on his death.

Today when I look back I feel I have neither been fair to myself nor to others. It is better to share your emotions with others all the time. The best teacher for us are our own children. Have we ever seen a child hide their emotions ? I am yet to see one. They cry or laugh without worrying what the world thinks of them.

We may not be very different. However our own values and beliefs may prevent us from sharing our emotions with others. This happens in the family, community and even in organisations. The senior members feel a bit reluctant to share their true emotions in the presence of junior members.

Today I realise that the more I am able to share my emotions, the more balanced and relaxed I feel in my life. The more I suppress my emotions, the more it expresses itself in psychological or physiological disorders.

If you talk to psychologists or psychiatrists they will say that most children are healthy because they never suppress their emotions. They are spontaneous and express themselves the way they feel inside all the time. On the other hand, as adults we regulate our behaviour since we are constantly worried how others will perceive us.

One interesting learning after working in organisations for decades is that leaders whose emotions are predictable are more liked by their team members than those whose emotions are unpredictable. Employees feel comfortable when their leaders express their emotions openly than they suppressing them.

This may be true for all of us too. Even as adults in the family, our next generation is more comfortable to interact with elders who are predictable in their emotions than those who are not. They confide their own emotions with others who share theirs openly.

It may be true that under certain circumstances, we may need to guard our emotions. For eg, we cannot laugh and joke around when we are attending a funeral. Similarly, we may appreciate and applaud people in public while refrain from pulling them up or getting angry in front of others.

Emotions to human beings is like blood to the body. The more it flows the better it is for us. Every time we donate blood, it is good for our health. Similarly, every time we share our emotions with others, we lighten ourselves and spread joy around us.

Life is all about emotions. The more we share, the more we care. The more predictable we are in expressing our emotions, the more endearing we are to others around us.

Let us learn to express our emotions authentically from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

10th May 2021

Let every flower bloom…

I was walking around my garden. I noticed that every flower blooms irrespective of being big or small, healthy or otherwise. Nature ensures that every plant has a space to grow and it allows it to bloom. You can see this while driving through a forest.

However, I realised that we are different. We have our own mindsets, beliefs and values and we want the world to be our way. Till the recent past, an engineer wanted his son or daughter to be an engineer and a doctor wanted her daughter or son to be a doctor too. We were not even willing to encourage our children to be different from us.

Today the world is changing. Even in India, the current generation is willing to think differently. We are willing to take the unchartered path. Our risk taking ability has improved. We are encouraging to let our children choose subjects they are passionate about and not what we think they should take.

This is a positive first step. Even in families, there is an open dialogue and the future generation is willing to change directions in their lives. It is no longer considered necessary to follow the footsteps of parents or other elders in the family. It is perfectly fine for people to venture into start ups and even fail before they succeed.

As a society, we need to promote this spirit in every walk of life. Our educational system needs to get revamped. Every child in the classroom has to be considered a talent. Some may be good in maths while others may be good in arts and crafts. Our system needs to create an environment where every child blooms like every flower in our gardens.

Organisations are no different. The performance management systems are too rigid and straight jacketed. They look at all employees through one lens. It may be helpful to revamp these systems and processes so that every employee blooms like a flower in our garden. Let organisations believe that every employee is a potential talent. By proper nurturing and enabling, they may sparkle in different areas of work.

As a society, we need to believe that every individual can and will contribute to the larger good, if we are able to allow them the space and the opportunity to succeed. We need to challenge age old traditions and beliefs. We need to adapt to changes in technologies and utilise them optimally for the welfare of humanity.

We need to believe that as individuals, families, communities, societies or even nations, we need not compete with each other to succeed. We need to work together to succeed. We need to believe that every individual, family, community, society or nation can coexist and still be successful. We need not succeed at the expense of one another. We can succeed by enabling one another.

While we can wait for the world to change, it may be easier to start from oneself. Let us create an environment around us in our family and community, where every flower can bloom.

It is time to reset our thinking and let every flower bloom.

S Ramesh Shankar

10th May 2021

Is performance management an art or a science ?


I have been asked this question multiple times in my career. Is managing performance an art or a science ? I would say both. While some aspects of it is a science, other aspects could be an art.

Lets look at every aspect of performance management process. If we take goal setting as the first step, then it is definitely a science where you can link organisational and functional goals to individuals and make them measurable. Many wonder if all goals are measurable. I believe so and it depends on how you set them.

Then if we move to mid term review of performance, it is both a science and an art. Without doubt, the review of performance metrics is a science. But the way we conduct the review is definitely an art.

If we then move to self appraisal, it is also both a science and an art. The ability to introspect and present your performance based on data and metrics is a science but the ability to communicate the same during a dialogue process is an art.

If we move to annual performance review – it is again a hybrid of science and art. We need to be objective and fair in assessment based on data and metrics and hence it is definitely a science. But our ability to have a dialogue with the Appraisee and present it to a performance review group is possibly an art.

Development planning and potential assessment could again be a combination of art and science. While planning has to be scientific, the ability to communicate and enforce the plan is positively an art.

Last but not the least is the feedback diagoue. This is more of an art than a science. While feedback again has to be fair and objective, it is our ability to make it an inspiring dialogue , which enhances its effectiveness. Hence, it is more of an art than a science.

Now one may ask what is difference between science and art in a performance management process. Science is logic, while art is to make the process inspirational. Science makes it fair and objective through use of appropriate data and metrics. Art is our ability to have an open and inspiring dialogue where we can tell the truth without demotivating an employee.

While it may be easier to write on the art and science of performance appraisals, it may be more difficult to practise it. After spending almost four decades practising performance management processes, I can easily state that I am yet to master this art of science.

The day we realise that it is is combination of art and science, we may become more effective as appraisees and appraisers. It is almost like the interview process. Even if a potential employee is not selected, he or she should feel that they just had the best experience of their lives and would definitely love to join this organisation.

As in the photo above, most of us behave like the lion, especially when we play the role of the manager of the appraisee. 

Similarly both the appraisee and the appraiser should feel that they not only enjoyed the performance management process but also felt that is objective, fair and inspirational. This possibly comes from diligent preparation and authentic skills in conversations.

Lets try this year and make a beginning.

S Ramesh Shankar

3rd May 2021