Poaching of a different type

All of us who worked in organisations are quite clear on what poaching is ? It could simply be termed as taking away your best team member into their teams without you even realising it. It happens in organisations through transfers, internal advertisements or even by financial incentives and so on. We may not be able to prevent it totally but can always give it a try. Everyone one of us love to work with an exciting team leader. We want to enjoy our work and life as if there is no tomorrow. So, if we want to retain our best team members, we need to be the best team leader. The day someone else is better than us, they may attract people to them as we did in the past.

This phenomenon of poaching happens in every walk of life. We may recall our school or college days. We were friendly with members of the opposite sex and thought we attracted the best to us due to our behaviour and nature. But, suddenly we find that one of our best friends take away our best partner. This is poaching of another type. We sometimes get over it and at other times rue our friendship.

It happens in other walks of life too. We have the best driver at home. He is skilled and very courteous. Suddenly we find our neighbour taking away this driver from us. It could happen to our maids , cooks and so on. So poaching is not restricted to the precincts of an organisation only. It happens in communities and societies at large.

We see political parties poaching the best legislators to their party even from the opposition camps. They lure them with money, position or power and are able to withstand all the past criticism from the same people whom they have taken into their fold today. Shame gives way to shamelessness when such a phenomenon occurs.

So, if we look back, poaching cuts across all spheres of life. It happens within families, friends, neighbourhoods, societies, governments and so in organisations. We may then wonder if it is possible to prevent poaching in any way ? While we may not be able to prevent it completely, we can definitely reduce the probability of its occurring through some positive measures at our end.

The first question we need to ask is – “Why would people want to leave us ?” It could be money, name, fame, promotion, location or simply the way we treat them every day. If we study small family enterprises, we realise that normally the loyalty is very high. It is not because they do not face this phenomenon called “Poaching” but because they take care of their people like their own family members. They may not pay high salaries or provide the best working conditions but they care for their people and are around when are in trouble.

So, if we need to retain the best, we need to love and care for them. We need to treat them as if they are own family members or friends. If they sneeze, we should catch cold. It is this symbiotic relationship, which may enable us to retain our best employees, maids, drivers or cooks. It is not money, position or power which can helps us retain them. However, inspite of our best care, we may lose some of our best. Let them go. If we are authentic and care for them, we need to continue to be in touch with them and once they experience the outside world, they may one day return to you. This is not because that the new place pays them less but because nobody cared and love them as you did.

Life is ultimately about trust and loving relationships. We need to trust people around us. We need to evolve and build sustaining relationships. It is love, respect and positive relationships, which may help us retain the best. The day we realise this basic tenet of life, we may surprise others and even surprise ourselves. After all money, position or power cannot buy love or care. Today’s world, you can possibly buy everything around you except health, love, care and happiness.

If we care for them they will care for us always.

S Ramesh Shankar

15th Sep 2021

Love your parents and not their wealth

My son called me the other day and he was down and out. He told me he was with a school classmate, who lost his father that day. He was shattered and he had no words to console him. Losing your mother or father at any age is difficult to bear. Losing them at a young age is unbearable.

While birth and death are not under our control, what lies in between them is very much in our control. Our parents sacrifice everything in their lives to give us the best possible education. They provide us the best comforts even much beyond what they can afford. Then they are around till we settle down in our lives. They are our life long mentors and coaches. They live a life of austerity to make our life joyous.

What do we do in return ? We move away from home at the first opportunity. It could be because we get admission in a prestigious academic institution or due to an exciting career break. Our parents do not mind that as they feel that their happiness lies in our success and not the other way around.

We study well and also become successful in our career. Then our parents want us to get married and settle down in life. When they look for a suitable partner, we tell them we are capable for finding our own partner. Years pass by and neither do we choose a partner nor accept our parents’ choice. We almost make them feel as if we are doing an obligation listening to their advice on marriage or any other issue in life.

They continue to guide us and are around to support us when we are in trouble. They are the first to respond when we are in a crisis. However, we neither have the time nor the patience to spend quality time with them and enquire about their well being. Even when they call us, we behave as if we are drowning with work pressure and do not have the time to listen or call them back if we are genuinely busy.

Years pass by and we get married and settle down. Our parents get older and still care for our well being. On the other hand, we are so busy with the rat race of life that we do not have the time to even visit them once a year and care for their welfare. If we are in a different city or country, we think sending money to them on a regular basis is enough to show our love and care for them.

We do not realise that most elders today manage their finances well and are capable of taking care of themselves. They are not dependant on us. Rather, in some case, we may be dependant on them as job redundancies or inadequate financial planning may some times put us in a mid life crisis. We do not realise that they look for quality time with us and our love. On the other hand, we give them the impression that we love their wealth more than their well being.

Then one day, we lose one of them and we suddenly realise that the daylight has gone out from our lives. We cannot rewind life and take care of them all over again. It is like our final exams in school or college. Once we have done the exams – its over. Whether we do well in our exams or not will determine our future. We may not get a chance to re-write the exams again to have a better career in the future.

Life is no different. The earlier we realise, the better for us. At every stage of life, the definition of happiness may differ. But our ability to make people happy will depend on us and not on others. If we think we have the time, we do. If we think we are busy, we are. If we cannot find time for our parents, we need to ask “Is it a life worth living ?” What is use of a career or business that does not ultimately make you a happier person in life. We cannot take our career success or wealth to our graves.

It is time to reflect. It is time to realise that the clock is round. After 24 hours, the time repeats itself. Our life clock is no different. We are young today and will be old tomorrow. We are sons and daughters today and will be parents and grandparents tomorrow.

Time to reset our clock is now ? Better late than never. Have you planned your next visit to your parents ? Or at least pick up the phone and tell them – “How much you love them and miss them ? – you will make their day beautiful.

S Ramesh Shankar

14th Sep 2021

Living life on my own terms…

 

I have always wondered if it is possible to live life on our own terms. My life experience teaches me that we can if we want to. I have come across people from different walks of life who live life on their own terms. They may not be the rich and the famous or the outlaws of society. But they determine what they want to do in life and how they want to do it.

I recall my childhood. I lived in a Army campus and always dreamt of becoming an Army officer. Then we moved cities and my school was inside an Air Force campus and it was my dream to become a pilot. As I grew older I realised that I neither wanted to join the Army nor become a pilot. Then my father prevailed on me to study science, which I did at the graduation level. It is at this stage I decided what I wanted to and how I will achieve it.

I pursued my post graduation in personnel management on my own volition and after convincing my parents that this is what I wanted to do. Then I started my career in Human Resources as I started enjoying working with people.

Similarly, I hail from a middle class family. I had my own dreams and aspirations. I was fascinated by nature, loved travelling and visiting places. I enjoyed photography and videography. So even at the early part of my career I managed to live my dreams within my limited financial capabilities.

As I progressed in my career, I could buy my own second hand car in 1987 and then my first video camera in 1997. Many of my friends and well wishers thought it was a luxury I could ill afford. May be they were right but I had a dream and wanted to live life on my own terms, so I did what I always dreamt to do.

Although I bought things which I dreamt and aspired for , I was always financially prudent. I never took money on credit from anyone or took a loan from any individual( except for rare emergency situations) or financial institutions ( except to buy my car and house). Even the loans I took, I repaid well before the due dates. So, I realised that it is possible to live life your way if you are grounded and prudent about your spends.

My family and friends supported me in all my dreams. Ofcourse, there were some critics too, who felt that it was not worth spending so much on a car or a camera. But, they did not know that having food in a five star hotel or buying luxurious pens etc was not my cup of tea.

So, it is upto us to dream the way we want to live life and how we want to live it. Then plan your life and fulfill your dreams when you are ready for it. What you aspire may be quite different than what others do. It does not matter as long as you are independent and are able to thriftily balance your income and expenditure in life.

I do realise that sometimes we may end up fulfilling our dreams at the cost of more important things in life. It is here we need to prioritise for ourselves and make our own judgements. We may go wrong sometimes but as long as we do not depend on anyone else to sustain our living, it is fine.

It is fun to live life on your own terms and realise your dreams. It is gratifying to buy your first car or build your first home using your own savings. It is good to realise that no two individuals may have similar dreams and aspirations and that is the beauty of life.

Lets learn to live and enjoy life in own way from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

29th August 2021