Patience with kids


Child is the father of man is an old saying.  Most of us as kids always complain that our parents do not listen to us.  They do not have the time to answer all our inquisitive questions.  They are busy in their own world and tend to lose their cool when we pester them with our queries.  As a child, we feel each of our questions are closest to our hearts and we feel hurt when they are not answered.

On the other hand, as we grow old and have our own kids, our world view changes.  When our first child is born, we thank God for the blessings showered on us.  Our child is the most beautiful in the world and we commit to take care of them to the best of our ability.  As the child grows up and speaks the first word, we are elated.  We encourage them to speak and we are all ears to every conversation of theirs.

Now the kid grows up and has all the questions under the sun.  As they grow up, they keep testing our patience with endless questions challenging us every day of our life.   We end up asking God why did he bless us with a kid, who cannot stop asking us all day and night.  We forget that our life would have been silenced without a kid in our lives.

Now our kid grows into an adolescent.  The rebellious behaviour tests our patience to the limits.  We are told by elders, family members, friends and colleagues that we do not know how to parent our adolescent kids.  We need to lead them by example and restrain ourselves.  It may be easier said than done.  It is one thing to advise others and totally another to practise it as a parent.  All those who have gone through this know the definition of patience in real life.

Now our child grows into an adult and leaves home.  We grow older and our own kids do not have time for us.  Life comes a full circle.  We feel distressed that our kids do not talk or listen to us.  We eagerly wait for our kids to call us or visit us once in a way.  This is the way life progresses and we need to learn to live it that way.  All of us go through life and the earlier we realize the changing roles and needs in different phases of life, the better for us.

Now when our kids lose their patience at our persistent questions, we wonder why are they so impatient.  Why do they not respect us ?  Why cannot they find time for us.  Why are they not grateful to us for all that we have done for them.  So, again, life turns upside down.  We find ourselves in the same place as our kids were when they were young.  They had all the questions in the world and we neither had the time nor the patience to answer them.

It is this realisation that life is a full circle and each of us go through the same tests of our patience at different phases of life is a reality.  We need to learn to enjoy the curiosity (impatience) of kids, the adrenalin ( rebellion) of the adolescents, the maturity (silence) of the adults and the wisdom (intrusiveness) of the elders. 

Let us start today.

S Ramesh Shankar

Selflessness


All of us have met people in our life, who always live for others.  We may call them “Selfless” people.  I have also met many people in my life this way.  One of them is my eldest sister.  Born as the eldest member in my family, she was born as a premature child.  My parents were not sure if she will survive and grow as a healthy child.  But, since she was the first kid for our parents, they took extra care and nourished her to grow as a child.

Later, she grew up as a scholastic child and did very well in her academics.  Even, as a child, she inherited my father’s patience and the seflessness of my mother.  I have always admired her selfless nature.  Even as the eldest among four siblings in our home, she would care for us more than herself.  She would finish her home work even before we got up and helped all of us do our work.

 I sometimes wonder what motivates these selfless people.  Is it their ability to serve others, which is the real drive in their life ?  They never think of themselves from morning to night.  It looks as if they are born for serving others.  They get up thinking what I can do for others.  I have silently admired my sister all through her life. I regret that I have never really told her how much I admire this nature of hers.Today as I write this blog, I hope I am able to make up for my life’s regret.  I am sure that it is difficult for any of us to be like them in our real lives.  Even, if we pretend to be like them, we cannot ape them.  But, we definitely can observe them and learn from them.  We can try in our way to serve others in whatever little ways we can.  It can even be like serving your own family or friends.

In my book, selflessness is like Godliness.  One need not visit a temple, mosque, church or monastery to seek God’s blessings.  It is these small deeds of service, which can take us closer to God.  No religion in the world compels us to visit a religious place.  All relgions encourage us to serve mankind.  We need to find opportunities to serve others.  

Many of us claim we do not find opportunities to serve others.  We need not look for them.  They knock at your doors every day or may be every hour in your life.  It is our ability to sense them and make use of them.  If we do not have the ability to sense them, we could learn from people around us.  I am privileged to have a sister in my family.  So, we may have them in our family or friends circle.  It is our ability to spot them, admire them and learn from them.

Life is full of opportunities.  Most of us look outside our spheres of life for the eternal truth.  The truth lies within us.  Similarly, life lessons can be learnt from your family members, friends and even colleagues at work.  We seek Gurus in life to learn life lessons.  It is time to realize that our near and dear ones can be our gurus.  We need not look outside for them but even a glimpse within our sphere can help us spot them.

Let us refresh our lives today and start today with a small service to anyone in our life, without expecting anything in return.  This act of kindness will give us joy, which money can never buy.

S Ramesh Shankar

Joy of little things 

All of us enjoy little things in life.  It is these small things in life, which gives us joy.   The source of joy is personal to each of us.  Some of us feel nice getting up at dawn and feeling the pure air and fragrance of nature.  For others, your best time may be at midnight when the world sleeps but you are at peace with yourself.  Each of us have our own likes and dislikes.  It is up to us to discover the little things in life, which gives us joy .  We then need to find time to enjoy those little things, which gives us happiness.

Let me start with myself.  I love going on long drives with my family and friends.  I do not miss a single occasion, when I can make it.  I have sometimes even started a journey without deciding on my destination.  It gives me joy to enjoy the journey rather than worry about the destination.

Similarly, my wife likes to garden.  She likes to look at each flower and plant and enjoy the smell and taste of nature.  She can spend hours together in the garden.  The tranquility of nature gives her joy.  She is a poet and hence nature may be giving her inspiration to write creatively. She can spend hours admiring the lily in our garden as in the picture above and even write a poem on it.

My daughter is a voracious reader and writer.  She loves to admire everything around her and can express in words, which can capture your imagination.  She can write about simple things in life and make your feel special by reading her prose.  Expressing herself in words is her passion and this gives her joy.

My son loves to make other people happy.  He loves to laugh at himself and others and always create a lively atmosphere wherever he is.  It does not matter if it is a family group or a work group, the joy of enjoying the moment gives him more joy.   He can enliven the most serious atmosphere with his presence and his laughter.

There are some, who enjoy the silence of nature.  While others may feel comfortable in the chaos of the urban landscape.  Each of us finds joy in something in life.  Many a time we are not sure what gives us joy.  As we discover the sources of joy, we tend to re-invent ourselves.

I believe each of us is unique.  We have our own way of finding joy around us.  We neither should ape others nor be worried about what others think of our likes and dislikes.  It is up to us to decide on what gives us happiness in life. It is then our prerogative to pursue it relentlessly without worrying about the world around us.  We have to only ensure that what gives us joy is not a source of sadness for others in life.

It is time to discover our own little things, which gives us joy in life and enjoy it.

S Ramesh Shankar