I hear a lot of good things about people, when they die. I recently saw a movie, where a lady was suffering from a terminal illness and she arranged a funeral service for herself even before she died. When asked, why it was arranged, she said, she was keen to know good things about herself before she died.

I found this very insightful. I have always noticed people talking good about other people, after they die. When we attend a funeral or a prayer meeting after a person’s death, we suddenly realise how good the person was.

My question to everyone is – “Why do we not speak good about others, when they are alive ?” We find it difficult to appreciate our own family members or friends, leave alone people we work with or do not know. What prevents us from appreciating others, when we notice something good in them.

Imagine appreciating a bus conductor for her service or behaviour and the impact it can have on her future service. A young employee who is just starting her career in the organisation will be overwhelmed if we speak positively about something we observe ,during her first few days at work.

Generally ,mothers are more generous in appreciating their family members than other members. But imagine ,if talking good about each other ,becomes a culture in the family. It may be fine not to criticise someone, when something is not ok. But not to appreciate a good deed or a good act ,is surprising to me.

I remember ,my father never criticised my mother’s cooking at home. If the food was tasty, he would always appreciate it but if salt was missed, he will not even mention. This is a trait, which made my father adorable ,to all of us. Many of us specialise in critiquing others but fail to say good things, when people are around us.

We wait for someone to die ,to realise how good they were. Why does this phenomenon occur. I am not sure ,if it is a family trait or a societal curse. I am not even sure ,if our scriptures teach us ,not to appreciate people, when they are around. Everyone of us feel good, when we are appreciated in public and criticised in private. But in reality, we do it the other way around.

Is it possible for each of us today ,to start our life afresh. Let us plan and appreciate at least one person every day ,for a good trait we observe in them. It could be a family member, a colleague at work, a friend or even a security guard at work. It does not matter. All humans feel good in appreciation. Animals also love to be cared and appreciated. Then ,why not we practise amongst humans too and extend to all living beings ,in the future.

Let the journey of saying good things, when people are alive begin from today. Just call someone you like, appreciate what you like in them and make their day. It may work like magic. Try it to believe it.

S Ramesh Shankar

23rd Dec 2024

In my personal view, the best phase of our life is our childhood. I recall an old hindi ghazal, where the lyricist says, that you can take my wealth and every other phase of life, but please return my childhood.

I fully endorse this view. I loved childhood because, as children, we are unbiased and are willing to learn from all situations and fail without fear. We are willing to experiment and try out new things. We are never conditioned ,by the family or society around us.

As we grow up into an adolescent and then to an adult, we are mindful of what people around us ,will think of our behaviour and actions. We tend to behave ,as what others would expect of us rather than what we believe ,is the best for us.

As a child, I have enjoyed every phase of my school. The teachers were always willing to share their knowledge and wisdom ,without expecting anything in return. The best of teachers were role models for us ,to follow and we were keen to interact with them ,every day of our lives.

My own kids loved going to school because learning was fun and playing with classmates and friends was ,unlimited learning in interpersonal skills. If the school closed for vacations or for any unforeseen circumstances, they would generally complain about it. They would be very keen to get back to school ,at the earliest.

But, today, I find some kids, who hate going to school. I was keen to understand the basic reasons for the same and how we can address them. Children do not find fun ,in the learning environment in schools. Knowledge is drilled down the throat ,as if it’s a necessary evil. Teachers do not adapt learning techniques ,to the specific learning capabilities of a child.

Children are taught to be competitive ,both by teachers and parents and also by the society ,at large. Instead of learning from one another, they tend to out beat each other ,to stay ahead in the academic race. Society encourages comparisons, in every phase of life. Our parents tend to compare between siblings and neighbourhood kids ,and so it extends to society.

A child does not get the freedom in the school or home environment, to explore and discover their special strengths. They are compelled to follow what their parents or teachers think ,is best for them. Worse, if you are good in academics, parents and teachers even guide you on what is good for your career.

A creative child is typecast by the family and society and is not allowed to learn ,what they best like to. Some children love books while others learn from experiences and some may learn from others. It is best for teachers and parents to understand the learning styles of their children and adapt their teaching skills accordingly ,rather than the other way around.

I feel sorry for the creative and introvert children of today, who tend to be cast as non competitive and non social as they do not follow the rules ,defined by their teachers and parents. Any display of creativity or aloofness, is considered deviant behaviour.

It is time to challenge and change the educational system. We need to enable kids to learn ,by creating the most exciting learning environments ,at home and in schools. Teachers and parents need to spend time and understand the learning preferences of their children and accordingly create suitable learning environments around them.

Let us get back to an era, where children will again ,love to run back to school ,as it is exciting and fun to learn and play. They not only learn best in such environs but also learn life skills by playing and even fighting and resolving conflicts with their friends and classmates.

Let us together make learning fun for kids today and in the future.

S Ramesh Shankar

30th sep 2024

 

The other day I was travelling in a train and my co-passenger asked me -“ what is your recipe for good health ?” I did tell him ,that I walk daily, do yoga and play badminton ,whenever I get an opportunity.

However, when I reflected on the same, a bit more, I realised that apart from a regular habit of physical exercise, the two most critical contributors to good health are, good food and good sleep.

If I say good food, I do not mean any nutritionist prescribed diet but healthy food, which our forefathers had ,and recommended to us. It could be green leafy vegetables, fruits, a lot of fluids and egg, fish or meat ,once in a way ,if you are a non vegetarian.

We may be connoisseurs of food and may also have a good appetite. It may be a good idea to have home cooked food and indulge ourselves occasionally, when on travel and not the other way around. What we eat is under our control and we cannot blame anyone else for the same.

According to Ayurveda and even allopathy, the root cause of most human disorders, is due to the indigestion of the food we eat ,every day. If we are able to plan and manage what we eat, then our health can be managed by ourselves.

A simple indicator to our physical health could be our weight. If our weight is within a range – Our height in cms minus 100 ( plus or minus 5 kgs), then we are in control of our weight . For eg if my height is 165 cms. Then my weight should be within the range of 65 to 70 kgs. This is just a thumb rule for good health and not certified by any medical practitioner.

The second key contributor to good health is our sleep. An average human being requires at least 7 to 8 hours of sound sleep. Do we manage to sleep 8 hours every day. Most of us blame our work and life schedules for lack of sleep. But, if we dig deeper, we find it is more because of our habits like binge watching of serials, movies and TV and the ubiquitous mobile phone which leads to lack of sleep. This is very much under our control.

If we develop healthy food habits and ensure a sound sleep every day, then only a daily routine of exercise of our choice ,could enable us to be healthy ,right through our life.

Exercise could mean a walk, jog, playing a game of our choice like badminton, football etc or gym or yoga or dance or anything, which we would enjoy doing ,and not consider it as a necessary evil which somebody has to remind us, to do it. The moment ,it is boring and drains your energy to do it, it may not become a habit.

So, healthy food, sound sleep and a regular exercise will almost guarantee good health. Apart from these three critical factors, the only thing we need to control is our attitude to life and living. Are we happy or sad ,every day of our lives. Do we crib or are we grateful ,for all that we have in life ? So ,our mental health ,is equally responsible for our happiness and this leads to good health.

So the mantra for good health is healthy food, sound sleep, regular exercise routine and being happy and grateful in life.

Let’s try from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

17th July 2024