Category: Life & Living

Ways of life

I enjoy walking on the sea shore along the sea with my naked feet making impressions on the wet sand. Many a time I prefer to walk with my spouse, friend or relative. Sometimes, all alone too. Today I encountered the sudden death of a close relative and this made me wonder as to what would happen if you were walking with that relative and when you turn around and find that there are only the impressions of your feet and your relative’s disappears in the sand behind you from your trail.

This was the feeling experienced by me today. It is a feeling of emptiness. You feel as if you were going through a storm and suddenly without your knowledge, you enter a state of vacuum. This space makes you feel weird. A state of helplessness. But you can do nothing about it. All of us go through such moments in our life and have to learn to deal with it.

It was a wonderful feeling to feel the imprints on the sand when you are walking with a partner. But, when you realize that your partner has left you suddenly and without notice, you realize you are left alone in this world to fend for yourself. One is born alone into this world and one also realizes that you leave this planet all alone. But the journey in between is life. You need a partner during this period. Your parents partner you till your adolescence, then your friends and finally your life partner. Of course, your parents are with you through out your life but the presence or absence of a life partner makes all the difference.

My mother’s death preceded by father’s. I was just 25, when I lost both my parents. But, I did realize the value of the partner after my mother’s death. My father lived all alone after my mother’s death with my brother. Although he was a man of few words right through his life, my mother’s death made him more lonely then words could express. I could feel the vacuum in his life although he never shared his grief with us.

Within two years’ of my mother’s death, my father passed away. He did suffer from diabetes and hypertension, which made his kidneys fail. Although, this was the primary reason for his death, I also felt that he died due to separation of his partner in life. All of us, who have experienced the warmth of our parents, friend or spouse in life understand the meaning of true partnership. You are energised by the mere presence of your partner without expecting anything from each other. Their mere presence adds value to your life. The physical presence of your partner is enough. Even their silence adds meaning to your life. Their absence kills you.

When you miss your partner in life for a few days, you miss them. Imagine what happens to you when you lose them for eternity. You end up talking to their photo for a few days till you digest the truth that they are no longer with you. You keep asking God as to why was he so cruel on you ? God answers you through his silence and then you realize that this is the new reality of life and you adapt to it.

After spending many years in my life and after losing quite a few relatives and friends, I realised that this is new phase of life God has planned for you. The only way to remember your partner or friend in your future life is to live their values and fulfil their unfulfilled dreams if you can. There is no point brooding what you could have done to increase there longevity in life. It is better to spend one’s energy to live their spirit in your life.

The ways of life are complex and unpredictable as in the design of the photo above.

Life is a journey and there are a few shocks like these, which mould you to be a better human being

Time to wake up is now.

S Ramesh Shankar

24th November 2017

Who am I ?

All of us spend our life time discovering ourselves every day. Some of us overestimate our prowess while others underestimate our potential. The truth could lie somewhere in between. Those who think that they have all the answers to the questions of life may be mistaken. Others who wonder why do they only get the tough questions in life, are also under an illusion.

Life has its interesting ways of balancing itself for us. The day we overestimate ourselves and tend to get arrogant, there could be a turn in our life when one would realize that you do not know the answer to the question. It is like you have topped the class right through school and college but are not able to top the batch in your organisation as a trainee. It is then you realize that theory and practise are related to each other but at the same time quite different.

On the other hand, you struggle in life but have always been humble and grounded and when you are almost willing to give up, life has its way of rewarding your hard work. It realizes that your patience has been tested and you need to be recognised. After a stressful wait, you may get a promotion in your career quite out of the blue or be selected to lead a project, which you only dreamt of till that day.

One more learning from my life is that everyone contributes in our life. If at all one reaches the top echelons of an organisation and forgets the contributions made by all the people around them to what they are today in life, they are simply ungrateful. It is not education, position in a organisation or hierarchy in society which determines your value. It is your “Humanness” and your ability to contribute to the life of others, which does.

Many of us who think that we have arrived in life because we have achieved success in our career may be mistaken. We also should realize that every human being around us is contributing to our success. I recently was watching a reality music programme, wherein a young girl was contesting. After she was selected in the trials, when asked where she came from, she narrated her story. She said she belonged to a remote city in India and did not even have the money to travel to Mumbai, where the contest was being held. Her father who runs a cycle shop drove a cycle for five consecutive days in a village fair to earn money as an exibhitionist so that he could finance her trip.

If this girl becomes a super star singer tomorrow and forgets the contributions of her father then she would never arrive in her life. The great people in the world contribute much more to the greatness of others then themselves. While all of us may talk of Gandhi, it may be interesting to reflect that Gandhi’s greatness was not just his personality but his ability to influence the thinking of millions around the world.

There are many people around us, who may be equally qualified or even less but contribute much more than us towards others. We do not value them. The day we realize that everyone’s contribution in our life is unique and valuable , we may arrive to some extent. The day we realize that we have an obligation to give back to society as much as we have got from it, if not more, then we may have arrived.

My wife in the photo above as my partner in life has contributed more to me and my family than we ever realize. We are grateful to her.

S Ramesh Shankar

The spirit of living

I had gone to attend a leadership offsite in Kovalam. On the way, I had the privilege of meeting my sister and their family. The most fascinating person in their family is my aunt. My aunt is 92 years old and lives her life to the fullest. She always has a smile on her face and her memory is sharp. I have not met many people in my life who have gone through all the trials and tribulations of life and still have given more to others than they have received in life.

My aunt’s name is Jayalakshmi. She is the younger sister of my father. Born in Trichy, she was married to a government employee and settled in Salem. She has six children and went through all the trials of life one can imagine to bring them up, educating them and enable them to marry and settle down in life. Like my father I have never seen my aunt lose her temper ever in my life. I have always seen her smiling under all circumstances.

Her smile is infectious. Till recently she used to cook her own food, was able to do her daily ablutions without any support and would not ask for any favour from any one. I have never seen her sulk or pass on her burdens in life to anyone else. I have never seen her complain to my father or her other siblings of any problems she was facing in life. I knew she had to confront a lot of challenges in life but would suppress her hurt and ill feelings within herself and only share her smile with others.

One may argue that it may not be good for health of if you suppress your feelings. But, what I have seen of her is that her goodness has enabled her to maintain excellent health right through her life. I have never seen her depend on others for any support. Today if I reflect on her life, I realize that if you are willing to give up all your joy to make others happy, then God has his own ways of rewarding you with a long and healthy life.

Every time I visit my sister, I am in awe of this aunt. Her knowledge of things around her is unbelievable. She is a great cricket lover. At this age, she watches all of India’s matches and she was asking me about the recently concluded India-New Zealand series. She was even aware of the ensuing Sri Lanka test series with India. Today her knees have become weak because of old age. But watching TV and reading newspapers/magazines and following conversations with everyone in the family she keeps herself fully updated in life and living.

What I admire most about her is her self discipline. She gets up early morning and after completing her morning rituals has her bath on her own and is ready for the day. She has her breakfast and does not spill a bit and till recently will go and clean her own plate as well. She will then watch TV and listen to morning slokas. She has a cot beside her chair and will happily have a short nap whenever she needs it.

She is more than willing to discuss with you on any subject and and will be happy to share her learnings in life. Whenever you meet her, she will enquire about everyone in your family and their well being. She will not forget anyone . She will never ignore you or belittle you irrespective of age. She wanted me to share photos of my grandson during my recent visit and was more than comfortable to glance through the photos on the Ipad. At the same time, she will never intrude into your space or force you to converse with her.

My lessons of life from her are innumerable. Learn to share joy and keep sorrows to yourself. Learn to be genuine and share your smile with everyone. It is a good idea to be self dependant and not burden others in your life. Patience pays always. The list is endless. But the learnings are timeless.

Grateful to my aunt.

S Ramesh Shankar