Vidhur shastra says that we should never give advice to anyone, unless asked for ? I think its a brilliant piece of advise to follow in life. Today I heard my wife saying that some things in life are best left unsaid. This is equally a great insight.

We spend a lot of time talking than listening. We also believe in giving unsolicited advise to everyone around us. The need to speak is more than the ability to listen. This makes us more vulnerable in life. I have met people in life, who speak less and listen more.

The best people I have met are those who give you great insights just by not stating the obvious but making us realise it. It is like admiring a setting sun above. If you are enjoying a beautiful sunset and someone joins you, it may not be necessary to tell that person how beautiful the sun is as it is setting. Let that person realise and enjoy the beauty of nature by herself.

Similarly in life, the best advices are the ones not given but experienced. The expressions on a mother’s face makes a child realise their mistake . Is it necessary for the mother to scold the child by using harsh words ? It may not be necessary at all.

Similarly, a teacher can make a student more insightful by making their students realise their errors rather than scolding them. This experiential learning could be much more insightful than a dressing down in front of the class or the group.

The best bosses in the workplace do this very well. They do not try to verbalise your mistakes. They articulate your success well but make you experience your errors at work. They even tend to ignore genuine failures and look the other way as if they have not noticed what wrong we did.

The best friends in life support you by just being around. They may not necessarily be around you physically or talk to you often. But if they are around, you feel assured in life. Their physical absence or presence does not matter. Even if they don’t speak to you for months, you are not impacted. You experience them in life through their actions and not words.

Kinesics or the science of body language teaches us that more than 70% of human communication is done non verbally than verbally. We tend to focus on what is being said to us rather than what is not. May be it is time to learn the art of listening to the unsaid.

I have experienced better listening when I sit in front of the sea during a sunset all alone. The sound of the waves and the miracles of nature teach me more than the words of a thousand people on the beach. We not only listen to nature but sometimes listen to our own inner voice.

Let us learn life by listening to words unsaid more than those which are said. Our ability to listen to silence may make us wiser. We may be able to focus on what is not being said but meant rather than what is being said and not meant.

Let us learn to listen to the unsaid in life.

S Ramesh Shankar

29th July 2021

I completed my first innings of my career on 31st March 2019. Many people have asked me as to what advice I could give to youngsters based on my career experience. I have no advice to give but I have a lot of learnings to share with others.

I have tried to put my experiential learnings so far into my “Ten Commandments of life” and I am happy to share them with everyone. They are :

1. Life long learning: One has to learn to learn throughout our life. Our learning begins at birth and may be ends at our death. We have to keep our eyes, ears and all our senses open to learn from every experience of life and everyone around us.

2. Work smart as much as hard : A lot of people today imagine that there are many short cuts to life. In my view, there are none. One has to work hard as much as smart to be a winner in life. Nothing in life can be achieved without toil and efforts. A bit of luck may help but can never be recipe for success.

3. Strive to be the best in whatever you do : We tend to live life by comparisons. It may start in the family when we compete with out siblings, then friends and colleagues at work. It is better to strive to be the best in whatever we do and we are always likely to be a winner rather than a loser.

4. Be a role model for the next generations through your actions and not your words – My definition of inspiring leadership is leading by example always. Your next generation always follows what you do and not what you say. Hence, it may be wise to give advise through your actions and not your words.

5. Maintain the right work life balance : Some of us believe that it is worthwhile to burn oneself away at work. It is not worth it. If we reflect on life and living, one may realise that work and life are equally important. Hence, striking the right balance is not only in our hands but also ensures good health and happiness.

6. Accept failures and missed promotions gracefully : The first failure in life is like the first scratch on your new car. It is difficult to face it and hurts your heart directly. But our ability to reflect and accept failures helps us to be equanimous in life.

7. Be humble and grounded always : We remember people who have their feet on the ground and are always simple and down to earth. We may not respect and regard arrogant people in our lives .

8. You share more, you learn more : Some of us think that if we share our learning with others, our value diminishes. In my view, it is the other way around. The more we share, the more we learn and the more we are respected by others.

9. Own up the blame and learn to give credit to others always : Leaders who give credit to others and learn to accept the blame and consequences always are the ones’ to be respected. This is applicable irrespective of whether one is an individual contributor or a team leader.

10. Never give up at work and in life : The best will always bounce back. Have we ever seen a great sportsperson give up in a game before the final whistle is blown. Similarly in life, one has to keep trying till one succeeds. The journey to success is interspersed with failures. Sometimes failures teach you more valuable lessons than success.

All the best

S Ramesh Shankar

16th March 2019

You realise it only when you experience it. How many times do we dread advice when we find it impractical in life. Almost every time someone gives you some advice, which you think is not realistic and have not experienced it.

I can recall this experience again and again since my childhood. I remember as a child many times my parents and other elders have given me advice which was unpalatable to me. It could be as simple as not to climb a tree as I could break my bones or as serious as not studying well will land me on the streets with no gainful employment.

Every time I felt their advise was either unsolicited or not empathetic. I felt they could not understand the joys of a kid. However, as you grow up you realise that much of their advise was valuable as you experience the effects of not following many of them in your life in real.

This trend was experienced in school and college as a student too. When a teacher advised you to do something or not do something, you desisted it. You felt they unnecessarily interfered in your personal life without really understanding you. But later in life you feel that you wish you had listened to them as you see the pitfalls of non-adherence.

Then you move to the work place and the scene is not very different. Your manager tends to impose his views on you and you feel as if he is breathing down your neck. He seems to be always telling you what to do in every step of your work life. You feel as if you are missing the freedom at work. Then as you grow and become a manager yourself you realise that you need to guide your juniors. When your juniors resist your close supervision you realise you have gone through the same.

Even in the family space we experience this phenomenon. As an adult we do not like advice from our parents. Then as a spouse we feel our partner interferes in our life and many a time tests our patience. We realise this only when we grow into a parent and our child feels the same way. Similarly, when our spouse behaves the same way we do and we do not like it we realise the fallacies of our ill behaviour.

In life, we realise that experience is the best teacher. We also realise it only when we ourselves experience it. It is easy to give advise to others but difficult to accept the same from others. We learn the difference between good and bad advise only when we go through it ourselves.

As in the photo above, we will listen to the advise of even Bhagwan Mahaveer only when we experience a challenge in life and not otherwise.

Experience is one of the best teachers in life.

S Ramesh Shankar

10th June 2020