All of us feel good that we play a significant role in our own lives. We may have great responsibilities at home and also play a vital role at work or our own business. However, at some stage of life we start believing that the world may not have existed before us and may become extinct after we depart.

This may not be true in reality. At home, we start believing that we are the fulcrum of the family and similarly at the work place we think, everything may come to a stand still the day we are not around. Let us examine this and do a reality check through some real life examples.

Let us examine it from the family perspective. As a parent ( mother or father), we may be thinking that we steer the family and shoulder all responsibilities till some day our children grow up and we realise that they do not need our support to lead their lives independently. Now, they may feel the same and believe that without them the family cannot move forward till they get married and have kids who grow up and make them redundant for their survival and growth in life.

Our work life is no different. Many of us may have grown from junior to middle and and senior levels of management and would have shouldered significant responsibilities. The day we start believing that we are indispensable , our learning and growth may come to a standstill. The likelihood of a downfall from this stage is more than any future growth in life or career.

This phenomenon I have referred is a false imagination of one’s importance in life. While I am not saying that each of us do not have a vital role to play in our own lives and work but if we start believing that life did not exist before us or may not be there after us we are living in a fool’s paradise.

We always have to live with humility and be grounded. Life has been there before us and will prosper after we leave this mortal world. Our ability to make ourselves dispensable in life and work will make us more respected. Our ability to delegate and share responsibilities in the family and the workplace will make us more valuable than the other way around.

The more we share, the more we learn. Our value has to be felt in our absence not by our inability to develop our family or team members but our ability to make them self reliant. Learning is a life long journey. The day we start believing that we have arrived and there is no further need to learn, it could be the beginning of our end.

The best leaders are those who leave when people may ask – “ Why now ?” They will not wait for someone to ask – “ Why not now ?”. It is like the world champion players retire when they are at the peak of performance and not when they may get dropped from the team for lack of performance or leadership.

Let us believe life does not begin or end with us.

S Ramesh Shankar

11th March 2023

All of us go through ups and downs in our lives. Irrespective of our age and occupation, it is natural to experience highs and lows for everyone in their life. Our life is always like a wave on the sea shore. There would be crests and troughs and we need to learn to deal with both of them.

Some of us experience lows in our personal life or career and get very disturbed by it. It is natural to feel bad when you go through a low in your life. After all, each of us want to enjoy our life every day ,in whatever way we like to. However, when a trough hits us, it is like a unanticipated tsunami.

The universal truth is that ,everyone in this world ,will go through these cycles of life. There will be some days when we feel we are on top of the Himalayas and other days when we may feel like an ostrich and want to put our head under the sand.

The first step in such situations is “acceptance” of the reality. In today’s world, the overwhelming social media has denied most of us of good friends in life, whom we could talk to and confide. In today’s world, psychiatric diseases are as prevalent as physical ones. If we accept, we have a problem, then we can easily solve it.

We do not hesitate to go to a doctor to treat cough, cold or fever. then, why we do hesitate to go to a psychiatrist ,when are feeling low mentally. It is as simple as that. A medical doctor treats a physical disease and a psychiatrist treats a mental illness. Just like our body has breakdowns in the form of fever or pain etc ,so does our mind have issues like depression or sleeplessness etc.

Our everyday life today is becoming hectic and sometimes we make it more complicated by our own deeds. We have to believe that we are the masters of our own destiny. We have to decide how our life has to be ? What is the right pace to follow and when to start or stop something ?

Even at the workplace, we have to decide what is the right balance between work and life. We have to decide what is the nature of work we want to do and how much we want to ? If we feel over stressed at work, it is worthwhile to consult a psychiatrist just like we would consult a doctor if we get a pain in the leg.

Similarly in our personal lives, if we continually feel low for no predictable reason, we need to consult a psychiatrist to understand what we need to do ,to manage it. Everything in life is under our direct control. The steering of our lives has always to be in our own hands. If we allow others to use our steering, then we have nobody else to blame than ourselves.

Life is seldom black or white. It is mostly grey. But we can convert it into black or white ,by taking control of our own lives. We can seek the help of family or friends, who are willing to listen to us. We can seek the help of doctors, social workers, counsellors or psychiatrists when the need arises.

Lets steer our life always and determine our destiny.

S Ramesh Shankar

16th February 2023

 

I love sunsets. I can spend hours watching the sunset and taking photos. If you ask me the reasons for the same, I may not have many but it is mesmerising.

Similarly, most of us are overjoyed at the birth of a child. As the child grows ,we enjoy different stages of growth of the child. As an adult, we leave them alone to lead their own lives. Then ,it is the twilight hours for everyone in life.

Some of us are ready to enjoy the twilight years, while others are afraid to face this reality of life. As we age, our physical fitness is put to test and mentally, our memory fades. This is yet another stage of life and we need to prepare for the same ,so as to enjoy it.

I recollect a colleague of mine calling me desperately one day and wanted to discuss with him on something important. I readily agreed and we fixed a date and time ,to meet. To my surprise, he wanted to share his fear of his impending retirement. He was not ready for it and felt that he will not be able to manage his expenses with his savings.

I was surprised, as this colleague of mine had almost spent four decades in the organisation and was a finance professional. He had two sons and both were well educated and settled in life. When asked to explain his source of fear, he said that his savings is not enough for his post retirement expenses.

All of us know on the day we start our career in any organisation, when we are going to retire. It is mentioned in our appointment letter itself. We know what are the expenses ,at every stage of our lives. We need to plan and save for the future ,as much as our present. If we do a reasonably good job, then there is no need to be afraid of our sunset years.

I told him that I would also retire almost at the same time and I was looking forward to the same. Most of us have spent our most productive years working. We need to ensure right through our lives ,that we spend less than what we earn and have a regular savings habit.

We need to prepare for our retirement and post retirement life, as we plan for everything else in life. The best time to enjoy our lives is during our post retirement phase of life. We can live all our passions and travel around the world. We can read, write, travel, listen to music and just do nothing to listen to the sounds of nature.

Another important factor to prepare for our twilight years is our physical and mental fitness. We need to develop our own routine to keep fit. It could be a simple walk, yoga or playing a game of our choice every day. This helps us to be physically and mentally fit.

The last factor which can help us enjoy our twilight years is our attitude of gratitude. We may have had a happy family life, a successful career and a great circle of friends and relatives, who have enabled us to be successful in life. Now, is the time to give back. We need to acknowledge each of the individuals or groups of people, who have been by our side during our tougher days.

It is at this stage of life, we can give back to society ,for all that we have gained from it. We need to give back without expecting anything in return. We could donate our clothes, utensils, appliances which we do not use or artefacts. Our ability to share our physical and mental wealth ,with the world at large ,will make us happier.

We can share our knowledge by writing articles, mentoring students and young professionals or even teaching in a school. This could be our way to give back for all that we have earned in our lives, where others contributed to our prosperity.

The sunset years of our lives have to be lived in gratitude and thankfulness ,to everyone who contributed to our life and living.

S Ramesh Shankar

28th March 2023