Every one of us needs to realise the value of our parents, when they are alive. But, many of us realise their value more, when they are no more with us. I lost both my parents at a very young age. My mother at 23 and father at 25.

I have earlier written about my father and how he is my role model in life, even today. I have learnt patience and respect from him. I have seen him toil hard and become a self made man. He did not inherit anything from his parents and gave us the best of education and comforts, which he could afford.

Today, I want to write about mothers and how they contribute in our lives. My mother was an orphan child, who lost both her parents at a very tender age. She did not even remember her parents during her life.

She completed her schooling and got married off by her relatives to my father even before she could enter college. However, she was a very determined woman and stood like the pillar for the family. She brought up four children, ensured their education and most importantly disciplined us, to be good human beings.

A mother is the emotional bond between children and the family. She is the soul friend and guide for the children. A mother provides all the emotional support a child needs, right through their childhood. A father becomes more of the disciplinarian in the family, while the mother loves and cares for the kids.

In my case, my mother was a tough disciplinarian too. She taught us the rights and wrongs in life and also set the boundaries, which we should never cross.

In the past, mothers were often home makers and fathers went out to work and were the only earning member in most families. However, we need to realise that the home maker’s job is more than a full time job and one needs to experience parenthood, to understand their responsibilities as a mother or father.

Today, most women are working in full time roles and have to play the mother’s role, as double duties. They are working full time and at the same time taking care of their children and their spouses and elders in the family. I have seen my wife as well as my sister playing this double role, when they were working and being mothers, simultaneously.

We may not realise how much a mother contributes in our life, when we are children, growing up at home. Her services are unpaid and not valued till we leave home ,to stand up on our own feet. We miss the home cooked food ;we may miss the love and care and the emotional anchor, which the mother plays and we cannot find a substitute for that in life.

We need to be indebted to our parents, especially our mother right through our life. We need to realise that whatever success, we achieve in life, is because of our parents and teachers primarily.

If we forget our parents and teachers, after we have left home and are adults, standing on our feet, we are being ungrateful to them. Parents do not serve us, with any expectation of anything in return. But, our love and care for them, unconditionally, when they grow old, can be our invaluable gift for them.

Today, most parents plan their old age and can take care of themselves, emotionally and financially, as many of their offsprings move away from home, in pursuit of their career. However, if we fail as children to love and care for them ,as an expression of our gratitude for what they did during our upbringing, we are going to be losers, not they.

Let us learn to bow in gratitude to our parents always. I realise it more than anyone else in life ,since I lost both my parents before I could even settle in my career or life.

If your parents are alive, you are blessed and hence learn to serve them unconditionally.

S Ramesh Shankar

6th Jan 2025

All of us are born in this world at a particular time and leave this world at a pre-destined time. We grow as kids, study, work and then wait for the sun to set in our lives. We may be born at one place, grow in another, work in a third and live our sun set years in a fourth place.

Our friends from childhood remember us till we are in school and college and then they may disappear from our lives as we tread different paths in pursuit of their life goals. We grow up with our siblings and parents. But the family also disintegrates as we grow up and evolve into nuclear families of our own.

Then our children grow up, they study, settle in life and lead their own lives in pursuit of their career and life goals. Thus life comes a full circle as we move from one phase of life to another.

We do get attached to friends, family members and colleagues and feel bad when someone forgets us or does not recognise us when we meet them after years. This is human and natural.

But the phenomenon of human kind is such that the phrase – “Out of sight, out of mind” generally applies. People will remember us as long we add value to their lives and living. The moment they feel that we may be out of their sight or even not adding value to them, they may forget or avoid us. While as humans, we may feel bad about it, it is the reality of life. The sooner we accept it, move on and learn to manage it, the better it would be for us.

I have only seen animals, especially dogs, which have an unflinching gratitude to the family members, they grow up with. I recently saw a video, where an elephant did not allow a mahout to leave him and go away since their bond was timeless.

Humans on the other hand tend to fix a expiry date to every relationship. Children might find old parents or in laws as more of a liability than an asset , especially if the parents are financially dependant on them or failing in their health. Physical distance also tends to reduce the intensity of a relationship over time.

I would not like to generalise on any of the above. There would be exceptions in all relationships. I would not say every human being may forget you if you are not in their sight. I would not say everyone will be ungrateful. Further, I would not say all kids will consider their parents or in laws a liability in their lives.

But, the best thing for us to realise that we do have an expiry date. So, it is better to create value for ourselves in our lives. We as partners could create value for each other. A genuine and authentic relationship never fades. It is not distance or time that can fade a relationship.

Let us build and evolve into authentic relationships and move on from relationships that seem to devalue us as human beings in our life. We need to remember that nobody depends on us for our life time and neither we depend on anyone. We did come alone to this world and will depart from the world all alone.

Let us create our own world of happiness from within.

S Ramesh Shankar

14th Dec 2024

We are born alone in this world and we go back alone, when we die. But in the journey of life, we have to work with individuals and teams in whatever work we do.

While some times, we may get to choose our partners, there would be many times we may not be able to. We need to work with the most unlikely partnerships in life. How do we make it work and how do we enjoy this journey ?

Many employees have told me in my career, that they hate their bosses. I always used to tell them that , just like you do not choose your parents, you cannot choose your boss. Just like parents decide when to have kids, bosses decide whom their team members would be.

Apart from work, there would be many other occasions in life, where we may have to work with partners ,we do not know or have no inkling of their nature. It is here, we have the opportunity to learn and thrive, to work in groups.

We get, what we give to others. If we give a smile, we get a smile back. If we get angry at others, they also may do the same. Behaviour is always reciprocal. It is like the mirror. You always get back, what you give to others.

Let us look at the work scenario first. At work, it is the people in the organisation, who make all the difference. Individuals can never achieve their targets ,unless they enable each other to succeed. We do not work in a vacuum. We need to support others ,as much as we need support from others ,to get our job done.

Have we met people at our workplace, whom we always wanted to work with. What makes these people so special ? It is their attitude to work and life. They have a positive attitude and are always willing to take any challenge. They never give up ,till they are able to accomplish what they have set to achieve. They do not hesitate to ask for help, when they need one, and are always willing ,to learn from others.

So, it is simple. We have to develop a positive attitude to life and work. We should learn ,never to give up ,until we achieve our goal. We should seek help ,as and when we need it, since nothing can be accomplished all alone. We need to learn ,from everyone around us. We cannot and will not be a master of everything we do ,but there are enough resources around us ,to teach us.

Life is no different. We may end up with unlikely partners in life. It could be a travel journey in an unknown land or a room mate, whom we have never met before but have decided to share a room. All these are great opportunities to learn and grow together.

The qualities to evolve as a lovable partner in life, are the same. If we are positive, helpful, have a learning mindset and never give up, we can win over any partner ,we meet.

The responsibility of making a partnership successful lies ,more in me than others. We need to take the lead and create an environment around us, where people love to work and live with us.

Let the journey of partnership begin afresh today.

S Ramesh Shankar

24th Dec 2024