Category: Emotions/Relationships

Celebrating father’s day

I sometimes wonder if it is worthwhile to celebrate all these days in a year by sending flowers or gifts to our near and dear ones. I believe these days are created by the marketeers to sell more products for their brands.

In my personal view, it is not worth killing flowers by sending bouquets or sending gifts to our mothers, fathers, siblings or friends. It is more symbolic and does not serve any purpose. We may end up sending gifts which they don’t need or already have them.

What could be a better way to celebrate these days. I reflected on it since I realised that the third Sunday of June is considered Father’s Day. I lost my father when I was 25. It took me more than a year to recover from this shock. However, assuming he was alive today, I may not have sent him flowers or gifts. On the other hand, I would prefer to commit to myself to imbibe one great quality of his in myself.

When I started my career in 1981, I was a very impatient guy. I lost my temper the drop of a hat and was least bothered about the impact it would have had on the people around me. I was given feedback by my family members, friends and colleagues, which I ignored it at my own peril.

But over the years I had seen my father as an epitome of patience. I have seen him lose his cool only twice in my lifetime. I decided one day that I could learn and imbibe this quality from him. I have since then tempered myself and can happily confess that today I have a lot of patience at work and at home. My family and colleagues will vouch for it. I may lose my cool once or twice a year.

So, my recommendation is to pick one great quality from your father and imbibe it. It may not be easy and may take many years to inculcate. But, this would be a better gift to our fathers than gifts of bouquets, which may not mean much to them. Our transformation into a better human being will be valued by them much more than any gift can do on earth.

This step could be for Father’s Day or Mother’s Day or sisters day or brothers day. It does not matter whose day we are celebrating. After all we can learn goodness from all people around us – younger or older, relatives or friends.

It is time to challenge some of the rituals imposed by the marketeers of the world. It is time to be different and lead by example for our future generations. We should leave behind rituals for our future generations, which are inspirational and not those which are mechanical in spirit.

Time to start is today as it is Father’s Day.

S Ramesh Shankar

16th June 2019

Learning “Motherhood” on Mothers’ day

I am not a great fan of “Mothers day”, “Father’s Day” etc, which are celebrated off late around the world. In my view, it is more a marketing gimmick for selling more products and promoting brands. Having said that, the second Sunday of every year is celebrated as “International Mothers’ day”. I would rather learn motherhood from the wonderful mothers around me rather than promote a marketing gimmick.

What can we learn from our mothers ? I would list five qualities, which I have learnt and admired from the mothers I have interacted in my life. There could be many more and these are my significant five. You could share your valuable five and this way we could learn from each other.

The first quality which a mother exudes is “Patience”. I have hardly seen a mother who does not put in extra efforts to display her patience. Right from feeding an infant or dealing with the antics of a child or bracing with the rebellion of an adolescent, a mother teaches us precious lessons on patience.

Perseverance is the second quality I have learnt from mothers. A mother never gives up. They don’t give up on anything. They are willing to convince anyone for getting their things done. They will follow up with anyone and everyone for the sake of their kids at school or otherwise.

The third quality one can adore in mothers is their “Selflessness”. In today’s world, most of us are so self centred that we forget many a time that there is a world around us. A mother on the other hand is serving others all the time and in this process,most of the time, forgets that she has her own world to live in. She lives for others all the time.

Loyalty is best learnt from mothers. They are loyal to their parents, their in laws, their children , sisters, brothers and their friends. While men may also be loyal, the unconditional loyalty of mothers’ is to experienced to be believed. It is to be believed to be learnt from our mothers.

The fifth quality I admire in mothers is their “unconditional love”. We all express our love and expect the same from others as human beings. However, mothers tend to love unconditionally. I cannot visualise a mother loving someone conditionally. This gives them the power of letting go when the love is not reciprocated in equal measure. This is when most of us find it difficult and feel hurt in our lives.

As I said earlier, a mother is an epitome of humanness. She is endowed with limitless qualities but I thought let me share my best five and request you to comment and share yours so that together we learn from one another.

As in the photo above, a mother appreciates her kid as much as she would do to other kids around her.

Our best tribute to mothers would be to imbibe at least one of these attributes from our mothers and live it every day of our life.

S Ramesh Shankar

12th May 2019

Why are we remembered on our birthday ?

I have always wondered as to why people remember you on your birthday. After all your birth day is like any other day of your life. You neither contribute more or less on that day of the year as compared to any other day. In spite of this your friends, relatives and well wishers remember you and wish you on your birthday every year.

Today is my birthday and I decided to reflect on the reasons for the same. You may be blessed to be born in a family with affectionate parents and loving siblings. This may make you a loving person to everyone in your family. This could be one reason why they may remember you.

Then the question to ask is “why do friends remember you on this day ?”. You meet people right through your life. As a kid you have friends and then as you grow up you gather more friends in school, college and at the work place. This may not be a sufficient reason for people to remember you.

Then I realised that people do not remember you because you studied with them or worked them in their life. People remember you because you touched their lives in some positive way some day in their life. A friend mentioned yesterday that she called up a distant friend to express her gratitude for helping her when she needed it the most. This act of kindness touches peoples’ lives.

We are blessed if we have been grateful to others or have been of help or support to them at some stage of their life. They remember you on your birthday because we have made a difference in their lives. Most of us are so busy with our daily routines today that we forget to express our gratitude to people who have helped us in our lives.

If we take a pause and reflect, we may realise that a small act of kindness can greatly impact the life of others. If we can take time out and call a friend or visit one just to say thank you or even just be there and have a cup of tea with them without expecting anything in return, it may do wonders to them and to us.

I may have taken years to realise this simple truth. Today I do try to call up a friend when I realise it is her or his birthday. I try to visit a friend or a relative when I realise that I can touch their lives in some positive way. Even being around unconditionally makes a difference.

I am not sure if you agree with my views. You have a right not to do so. But I appeal to you to try it and feel the difference. The positive vibes of touching people is to be felt to be believed. It is to be experienced to felt.

You could try it and let me know how you felt ?

S Ramesh Shankar