Do we build relationships based on the monetary value of the person we are relating to ? It looks like that today. Whether within the family or with other friends, colleagues and relatives, we seem to build relationships based on our perceived value of the other person in economic terms.

It may not be true for all relationships but is increasingly becoming a trend. It is sad but is a stark reality in today’s material world. Relationships are meant to be unconditional and based on love and mutual respect. But today, we tend to measure the worth of a person only in money terms.

I do agree that this is not yet a universal truth. But I sometimes wonder why is it increasingly becoming the truth rather than an exception. It may be because of our materialistic instincts. We are increasingly valuing life in material terms.

We spend our whole life time accumulating wealth. There may be nothing wrong if it is done the ethical way. However, the danger is when wealth becomes the barometer for valuing relationships. How can one value your parents, siblings, colleagues or friends in monetary terms ?

We hear stories every day in the newspapers where parents are suing their children or the other way around. We see siblings filing cases against each other over property matters. Everything ultimately appears to be valued only in money terms. Children not caring for their parents or parents throwing away their kids from home.

All this leads to the basic question – how do we value relationships ? In my view relationships are to be based on love, respect or gratitude. I cannot imagine any relationship which is based on wealth. The moment love, respect or gratitude is missing in a relationship, it is bound to break or turn sour.

We need to realise that life is short and we need to make it sweet. We need to build relationships based on unconditionality. The moment we relate to someone with an ulterior motive, it is bound to fail. Relationships have to be natural to blossom and prosper.

In the past, we have heard of relationships which have survived generations. We have heard of businesses run based on mutual trust with no formal contract or agreement between partners. We have heard of life long partnership between friends, relatives and colleagues. This means all this possible and even prevalent today. It only means that we need to make it happen.

The day we build relationships based on mutual respect and unconditional love, it is bound to prosper. The day we are willing to contribute more than we get without any expectations in return, it is likely to succeed. Success or failure in a relationship is based on the unconditionality in that partnership.

All religions have taught us to respect the person and not their possessions. We seem to be carried away by valuing the wealth of a person rather than the love they shower on us. The day we respect the other person and love them rather than their financial position, we value the person and not their materiality.

I am happy that my relationship with my spouse has been unconditional and we liked each other irrespective of our material possessions, at every stage of our life.

Let us resolve to demonetise Relationships forever.

S Ramesh Shankar

2nd September 2018

A friend shared a story with me. It touched my heart and hence this blog. He said he was driving behind a car and was getting impatient since the driver in the car ahead of him was driving slow and not giving way. He honked and was fuming till he saw a sticker which stated that the car in front of him was being driven by a physically challenged person.

Why do we need stickers to teach us to behave ourselves in our lives ? Do we need people telling us that they are “suffering from cancer” or “they have lost a near and dear one” or they “have lost their job” through stickers on their face or their back.

We seem to be living in a world without emotions. We seem to be living for ourselves than for anyone else around us. Lets reflect on how we behave with our family, friends or colleagues at work.

When we get back from work we are busy with out laptops or mobiles and believe that the organisation does not exist without us. This false belief continues possibly till the day we lose our job or retire from work. It could be a false self image of ourselves. In this process, we do not have the time to wish our spouse or encourage our kids in their academics, sports or cultural activities. How can we justify this ever ?

If we move to the work place, the situation is no different. We believe our colleagues are machines, which are paid to work and give their best. We demand more than they can deliver and losing our cool with them is a matter of right for us. We are neither aware of the problems they are facing in their personal world nor do we have the time or the inclination to get to know them. We live and work in a heartless organisation and believe our colleagues are like robots, who work for us.

How about our friends ? In this era of social media, we believe if we get hundreds of likes for our posts on social media, our day is made. We get depressed when nobody reacts for a few seconds for every post we make on the social media. Our friends are virtual and emotions are expressed only in emoticons. We do not remember the birthdays or anniversaries of close friends and do not have the time to visit them.

This post from my friend really triggered my thoughts. It churned my emotions. I wanted to challenge myself and everyone around me to change. To change for the better. It is time to realise how valuable it is to spend time with your family. It is worthwhile to empathise with your colleagues at work and know them as human beings with emotions. We need to find the time to meet friends and share our time.

We can see a tram in front of us on the road as in the photo above, but if there is no sign -“Do not cross the road” , we may be tempted to do so.

We need to remember that human beings are social. We do not need invisible stickers on their face or their back for us to behave like fellow human beings. We need sense the emotions in others and be human.

Let us start now.

S Ramesh Shankar

A touch can mean many things to many people. The mother’s touch can mean a world to a child. A father’s pat could mean recognition for others. A partner’s touch could kindle romance between couples. An opponents touch could be a fowl in a soccer field.

So the same touch could mean different things to different people in different contexts. Today kids in school are taught about “good touch” and ” bad touch”. This is because it is necessary to recognise the intent of the touch. As an adult, we are able to make our judgement in most cases but kids get misled by inappropriate touches.

In some contexts, a touch is very effective to soothe a person. For example when a person is bereaved of a close friend, relative or even a pet a warm hug can help console a person. On the other hand, when a person wants to be left alone, a touch could intrude into their privacy.

We need to understand the culture and values of the people around us to use touch appropriately in our dealing with them. While one can be liberal with family members and friends as we understand them and they do the same. But when we use touch as a means of communication or conveying our feelings with others we need to understand how they perceive it in a particular context before we use it.

Even within the family, we need to understand how touch is perceived by people around us. While a warm hug is considered appropriate in some families, it may not be so in others. Even shaking hands between men and women is appropriate in some cultures and not in others.

A child’s touch is always comforting to a mother as in the photo above.

Even in cultures, where touch is considered appropriate while communicating with others, there may be individuals who are not comfortable with touch. Hence, it is important to use touch only after we understand the other person well and their culture.

Touch is also used as therapy to cure some illnesses. A massage is a common use of touch especially in Ayurveda for curing many types of illnesses. However, it is used only by trained therapists who know to use them appropriately with the right kind of pressure on the body. If inappropriately used, it could lead to more problems than solutions.

Even animals love touch as an expression of emotions. Dogs feel loved and cared when they are touched. However, if we end up touching a poisonous snake, we may end up being bitten. It is important to realise that we need to know how the animal will react to our touch before we touch them.

Humans are no different. While one person may feel loved and cared, the other person may feel hurt by the same touch. Hence it is critical to understand people and cultures before touching anyone around us.

Let us learn to touch appropriately.

S Ramesh Shankar

16th May 2018