We seem to be living and dying by comparisons ,every day of our lives. Unfortunately our education system is based on comparisons and so is our societal system. Even within the social unit of family, parents tend to compare and contrast between children.

We have heard parents asking us – “ Why can’t you do as well as your sister or brother ?” We even buy bigger cars because our neighbour has bought one and how can we be left behind. Life is full of comparisons from morning to night.

In my view, life becomes a competitive race only because we live by comparisons. If the neighbour’s child has got admission in a business school or medical or engineering college, parents wonder why ours could not make it. They even fail to understand that we are interested in music and not in business, engineering or medical.

The seeds of comparison is embedded in our blood stream. As soon as we are born, someone may even comment ,that we are not as fair as our siblings. As we grow up, we may be told, we are not as active and smart, as our neighbour’s child. This string of comparisons continues in school, college and even at the workplace.

Let us start from the family. Parents tend to compare and contrast between children. Sometimes even gender discrimination happens within the family. A daughter is told why she is not as smart as the son or vice versa.

This comparison saga continues in the schools. Teachers tend to compare children and ask kids poor in academics ,why they cannot be as smart as the topper in the class. This happens in all aspects of school and college life.

Both parents and teachers ,do not have the time or the inclination to explore what the child wants to excel in. A child may be brilliant in music and another may be a potential sportsperson, capable of representing the country. If both teachers and parents invest their time in assessing and the enabling the child to explore his or her talent and skill, this system of comparisons ,may not harm kids.

Even after you complete your education and get into the precincts of an organisation, leaders tend to compare employees. They wonder, why some employees always excel while others have to be prodded, to even perform. Leaders fail to realise that they have a role to play in identifying what each employee can do best. Some may be creative while others may be analytical. Many managers force creative people to do analytical jobs and vice versa. This leads to wrong comparisons and poor assessments ,ultimately leading to demotivated employees too.

Even societies and nations ,tend to compare and ridicule each other based on their, biased yardsticks of performance. While one country may consider economic prosperity as their goal, another might think happiness is the most important factor ,for their nation. There could be nothing wrong in either. But to compare the incomparable seems to be the order of the day.

Let us learn to live in absolute, from today and discover our real potential as individuals, families, societies and nations.

S Ramesh Shankar

19th Jan 2025

Life is all about relationships. It starts in the family and then spreads to friends, society and organisations we work for. Each relationship is built over time and we need to nurture and grow them so that we source and spread happiness from them.

Every relationship has a value and we need to learn to benefit from that value. However , as we learn and grow in life, there would be some relationships which will grow with us and others ,which we find it difficult to handle. This happens in the family, organisations and society at large.

As social beings, we cannot run away from relationships around us. We need to learn to manage them and learn from them ,all the time. The relationships which are cordial and grow with us, nurture us and teach us ,a lot of life lessons. These could be relationships like parents, siblings, spouse, kids and friends.

However, there could be other relationships like work colleagues or neighbours or others, which may or may not grow ,as we desire. It is true that all types of relationships could be cordial or otherwise. We need to continually learn to live and manage them.

Let us start with relationships within the family. It could be a misunderstanding between parents and children or between siblings. The senior members like parents or elder siblings have the responsibility to take the initiative and ensure cordial relations.

Similarly at the work front, there could be misunderstanding and strained relationships between colleagues. There again, the senior most member or leader ,has the responsibility to sort out differences and maintain good relationships amongst team members.

The question we may ask ourselves is – “ How do we manage difficult relationships ? Yes, it is true ,that it is challenging to manage difficult relationships. However, the point to realise is that, in any relationship there are generally two individuals involved. If the senior among the two ,takes the initiative to sort out the differences, any misunderstanding can be sorted out.

If one takes the example of the union-management relationship in organisations, I would say the responsibility lies with the management as the senior partner ,to take the initiative ,to keep communication channels open, be honest with each other, to sort out any differences.

So, let us try to understand, how to go about managing difficult relationships. I have learnt that the following steps have helped me to manage the most difficult relationships in my life :

A. The senior most member takes the responsibility to take the initiative to resolve the differences and re build the relationship.

B. Open and honest communication is the key to resolve any differences. We need to put everything on the table and agree to work together with the intent to solve any misunderstandings between us.

C. Trust is key. We need to build and evolve trust between individuals and teams, where relationships are strained ,through our actions and not by words alone.

D. Willing to listen and forgive : We need to actively listen to one another and be willing to forgive one another ,so that we forget the past and move forward into the future, positively.

I am not saying this is a sure shot prescription for success ,in mending any strained relationship. But, may be, it could help in breaking ice and moving forward.

Let’s try one step at a time.

S Ramesh Shankar

10th Jan 2025

Every one of us needs to realise the value of our parents, when they are alive. But, many of us realise their value more, when they are no more with us. I lost both my parents at a very young age. My mother at 23 and father at 25.

I have earlier written about my father and how he is my role model in life, even today. I have learnt patience and respect from him. I have seen him toil hard and become a self made man. He did not inherit anything from his parents and gave us the best of education and comforts, which he could afford.

Today, I want to write about mothers and how they contribute in our lives. My mother was an orphan child, who lost both her parents at a very tender age. She did not even remember her parents during her life.

She completed her schooling and got married off by her relatives to my father even before she could enter college. However, she was a very determined woman and stood like the pillar for the family. She brought up four children, ensured their education and most importantly disciplined us, to be good human beings.

A mother is the emotional bond between children and the family. She is the soul friend and guide for the children. A mother provides all the emotional support a child needs, right through their childhood. A father becomes more of the disciplinarian in the family, while the mother loves and cares for the kids.

In my case, my mother was a tough disciplinarian too. She taught us the rights and wrongs in life and also set the boundaries, which we should never cross.

In the past, mothers were often home makers and fathers went out to work and were the only earning member in most families. However, we need to realise that the home maker’s job is more than a full time job and one needs to experience parenthood, to understand their responsibilities as a mother or father.

Today, most women are working in full time roles and have to play the mother’s role, as double duties. They are working full time and at the same time taking care of their children and their spouses and elders in the family. I have seen my wife as well as my sister playing this double role, when they were working and being mothers, simultaneously.

We may not realise how much a mother contributes in our life, when we are children, growing up at home. Her services are unpaid and not valued till we leave home ,to stand up on our own feet. We miss the home cooked food ;we may miss the love and care and the emotional anchor, which the mother plays and we cannot find a substitute for that in life.

We need to be indebted to our parents, especially our mother right through our life. We need to realise that whatever success, we achieve in life, is because of our parents and teachers primarily.

If we forget our parents and teachers, after we have left home and are adults, standing on our feet, we are being ungrateful to them. Parents do not serve us, with any expectation of anything in return. But, our love and care for them, unconditionally, when they grow old, can be our invaluable gift for them.

Today, most parents plan their old age and can take care of themselves, emotionally and financially, as many of their offsprings move away from home, in pursuit of their career. However, if we fail as children to love and care for them ,as an expression of our gratitude for what they did during our upbringing, we are going to be losers, not they.

Let us learn to bow in gratitude to our parents always. I realise it more than anyone else in life ,since I lost both my parents before I could even settle in my career or life.

If your parents are alive, you are blessed and hence learn to serve them unconditionally.

S Ramesh Shankar

6th Jan 2025