One of the best lessons I learnt in my career ,was to “think before I ink”. I started my career ,in the early eighties ,in India. I worked in a steel plant, which was a complex process industry and had millions of people employed ,in the country.

Most of our communication in organisations ,were through written notes for decisions, approvals and so on. We had not seen computers or any other electronic ways of transmitting information ,till the late eighties. This meant we could only talk to each other or write to each other, to exchange information and take decisions.

As youngsters starting our career in large public sector organisations, we were trained ,through a structured programme of how organisations worked and then made to work in teams ,to get things done. We had just come out of our colleges and many of us were keen to express ourselves and show off our command over language, through our notes.

I can share one such incident in my career, which taught me, one of the best lessons in communication ,at the work place. I was exchanging notes with a colleague on a contentious issue, where both of us had conflicting views ,on the same subject. While we sat ,just a few meters away from one another, we were trying to excel in the language of our communication ,more than the content or the value add. When this note went to our our head of the department, he called both of us ,to his room.

If you are not able to talk ,since the other person is sitting a few kilometres away or in another city, then kindly pick up the phone and talk to each other and sort it out. Only if you are not able to walk across and talk to each other or talk on the intercom, which the company has provided, will you write a note from today.

He further went on to explain ,how a written word on a note is irreversible and may create a deeper misunderstanding ,than one can imagine. While talking, we may agree to disagree or even forget any harsh words exchanged. But, when we exchange rough language ,in written communication ,it is etched in paper and in our hearts. So, kindly remember ,this basic skill of effective communication from today.

He told us, that he has gone through our notes and was impressed with our use of language. We both thought we were being appreciated for our command ,over the english language. He then made us sit down and told us ,that he wants to share a simple rule of communication in life and work. He said that ,you both sit just a few meters away from one another. So, at the first instance, if you do not agree with the other person, just walk across and talk to the other person and resolve the differences.

Even if we think of it today, this advice is invaluable ,not only at work but in life as well. We have to first speak to one another, preferably in person. If not possible, at least on phone before we write to one another. A written document could become ,like a ballistic missile , which could boomerang and hit us back, before we realise it.

Even in the days of whatsapp and email, this lesson is very useful. We need to remember that email and whatsapp ,do not have emotions but humans do. So before we write an email or send a whatsapp, we need to speak first and then think ,before we write.

We could recall email and delete whatsapp messages , before they are read but it does leave a trail that an email has been recalled or a whatsapp has been deleted and that may also create avoidable misunderstandings ,in the minds of the receiver.

So, let us learn to think before we ink, from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

4th May 2025

The other day, I was reading a story about a restaurant in Japan, where they employed ,only dementia patients. The name of the restaurant is “Mistaken orders”. They clarify to their customers upfront ,that sometimes they may order something but get something else. They should not get perturbed by this action but rather appreciate, those who live with family members or friends ,suffering from dementia.

This was a very insightful story for me. I realised that it could be put to practice in our lives too. We react or sometimes over react, for some behaviour or incident ,without understanding why that individual behaved that way or that incident happened. We all are human and react this way or the other sometimes. But, it may be a good idea to reflect on this story and change the way we live.

This could happen in the family, society or work place. We may get disturbed by the action of an individual or their behaviour in a particular situation. We may react in-appropriately ,since we do not understand ,the context of the behaviour or the action.

Let us imagine how our life would be, if we learn from the idea of “Mistaken orders” restaurant. We need to remind ourselves every day that the people around us ,may be suffering from dementia or some other issue. Dementia here is just symptomatic. We really do not understand the reasons, for their behaviour.

I was told that the customers to this restaurant ,come prepared to eat any food they get. They are not agitated by the mistaken orders delivered to them by the staff ,as they are fully aware that people suffering from dementia ,do keep forgetting frequently and they not do it deliberately.

It may not be easy to practise this idea. But may be worth a try. Our life is conditioned by our behaviour ,every day. We react based on what we see and hear around us. We may not have the time to understand, why an individual behaves or reacts ,in a particular way. But, if we are able to invest some time in this aspect, our life could be positively different. We may behave like the customers of the “Mistaken orders” restaurant in our every day life ,with most people around us.

Another interesting aspect of life is that ,we get what we give. If we give a smile, we get a smile back. If we frown, people shout back at us. If we understand people better, they probably would understand us better too.

We all are running short of time every day. We do not have time to eat our break fast nor do our daily chores. Then how do we find time to understand people around us. Yes, this may be true. But, we do invest time in things, which are important to us. Building and sustaining relationships, is critical to life. It is like maintaining good health in our life. So, it may be worth investing.

Let us rediscover our life from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

18th March 2025

I was watching a music reality show on TV the other night and an old lady, who was an ardent fan of one the contestants had come all the way from an old age home to wish her all the best. She narrated how she was a diabetic and had met with an accident a year back and her wounds were still not healing. She went on to say that she does not get to sleep in the old age home since she has to sleep on hard stone beds. But after, she started listening to her favourite contestant, her melodious voice sways her to sleep.

I am not sure why this old lady ended up in an old age home. However, of late, it is common to hear of children not taking care of their parents. One of the judges on the same show was wondering of how one could leave their parents in an old age home. But that is the reality of today.

We forget people who have reared us and made us what we are today much before the ink dries on the paper we write. Or may be even before that since we no longer use ink to write on paper. It is today the days of mobiles and laptops and we do not even need our brains to write something original since AI does the rest for us.

Gratitude is no longer a value for most of us. We take things for granted. Just like we think that the maid at home or the security guard at work has to be at our beck and call. We do not even wish them back if they wish us “good morning” since we do not have the time for such small things in life.

We imagine that it was the duty of our parents to rear us up since they gave birth to us. They had to educate us and cater to all our needs and greeds since that is what they are meant for. We fail to realise that we may become parents some day and the cycle of life will take a full circle and tomorrow’s children may expect more than what we do today.

We love to ape the developed world almost in everything in life. We want the material comforts of life and best of infrastructure and facilities. But, we will not leave our home to be financially independent after we turn 18 as in the west. We will depend on our parents and leave home only when we are comfortable to lead life independently, financially or we are forced to do so since we are transferred to a location away from where our parents live.

Our duties and obligations are like a one way street. We expect our parents and elders to support us in all ways possible till we are able to stand on our own feet. We think it is their duty and obligation. But, when we grow up and they are old, we wonder how we could support them with our minimal income and increasing cost of living. Our definition of duties and responsibilities are written only on one side of our book.

In Hinduism, we call it “Karma”. Life is a cycle. What goes around, come around. What we do today to others, will come around and hit us some day in our life. Even in organisational life, I have seen that the worst bosses, who treat their senior employees with disdain, end up as team members of worser bosses and sooner than later realise how important it is to be human to other colleagues.

Life is no different. We need to realise that “whatever we have achieved in our life is only because of the sacrifices of our parents, teachers and elders. We can afford to ignore them today after we have arrived in life, but life will teach us harsher lessons in the future as we also have to turn old some day.

Let us learn to take care of our parents and elders from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

18th March 2025