The other day, I was reading a story about a restaurant in Japan, where they employed ,only dementia patients. The name of the restaurant is “Mistaken orders”. They clarify to their customers upfront ,that sometimes they may order something but get something else. They should not get perturbed by this action but rather appreciate, those who live with family members or friends ,suffering from dementia.

This was a very insightful story for me. I realised that it could be put to practice in our lives too. We react or sometimes over react, for some behaviour or incident ,without understanding why that individual behaved that way or that incident happened. We all are human and react this way or the other sometimes. But, it may be a good idea to reflect on this story and change the way we live.

This could happen in the family, society or work place. We may get disturbed by the action of an individual or their behaviour in a particular situation. We may react in-appropriately ,since we do not understand ,the context of the behaviour or the action.

Let us imagine how our life would be, if we learn from the idea of “Mistaken orders” restaurant. We need to remind ourselves every day that the people around us ,may be suffering from dementia or some other issue. Dementia here is just symptomatic. We really do not understand the reasons, for their behaviour.

I was told that the customers to this restaurant ,come prepared to eat any food they get. They are not agitated by the mistaken orders delivered to them by the staff ,as they are fully aware that people suffering from dementia ,do keep forgetting frequently and they not do it deliberately.

It may not be easy to practise this idea. But may be worth a try. Our life is conditioned by our behaviour ,every day. We react based on what we see and hear around us. We may not have the time to understand, why an individual behaves or reacts ,in a particular way. But, if we are able to invest some time in this aspect, our life could be positively different. We may behave like the customers of the “Mistaken orders” restaurant in our every day life ,with most people around us.

Another interesting aspect of life is that ,we get what we give. If we give a smile, we get a smile back. If we frown, people shout back at us. If we understand people better, they probably would understand us better too.

We all are running short of time every day. We do not have time to eat our break fast nor do our daily chores. Then how do we find time to understand people around us. Yes, this may be true. But, we do invest time in things, which are important to us. Building and sustaining relationships, is critical to life. It is like maintaining good health in our life. So, it may be worth investing.

Let us rediscover our life from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

18th March 2025

I was watching a music reality show on TV the other night and an old lady, who was an ardent fan of one the contestants had come all the way from an old age home to wish her all the best. She narrated how she was a diabetic and had met with an accident a year back and her wounds were still not healing. She went on to say that she does not get to sleep in the old age home since she has to sleep on hard stone beds. But after, she started listening to her favourite contestant, her melodious voice sways her to sleep.

I am not sure why this old lady ended up in an old age home. However, of late, it is common to hear of children not taking care of their parents. One of the judges on the same show was wondering of how one could leave their parents in an old age home. But that is the reality of today.

We forget people who have reared us and made us what we are today much before the ink dries on the paper we write. Or may be even before that since we no longer use ink to write on paper. It is today the days of mobiles and laptops and we do not even need our brains to write something original since AI does the rest for us.

Gratitude is no longer a value for most of us. We take things for granted. Just like we think that the maid at home or the security guard at work has to be at our beck and call. We do not even wish them back if they wish us “good morning” since we do not have the time for such small things in life.

We imagine that it was the duty of our parents to rear us up since they gave birth to us. They had to educate us and cater to all our needs and greeds since that is what they are meant for. We fail to realise that we may become parents some day and the cycle of life will take a full circle and tomorrow’s children may expect more than what we do today.

We love to ape the developed world almost in everything in life. We want the material comforts of life and best of infrastructure and facilities. But, we will not leave our home to be financially independent after we turn 18 as in the west. We will depend on our parents and leave home only when we are comfortable to lead life independently, financially or we are forced to do so since we are transferred to a location away from where our parents live.

Our duties and obligations are like a one way street. We expect our parents and elders to support us in all ways possible till we are able to stand on our own feet. We think it is their duty and obligation. But, when we grow up and they are old, we wonder how we could support them with our minimal income and increasing cost of living. Our definition of duties and responsibilities are written only on one side of our book.

In Hinduism, we call it “Karma”. Life is a cycle. What goes around, come around. What we do today to others, will come around and hit us some day in our life. Even in organisational life, I have seen that the worst bosses, who treat their senior employees with disdain, end up as team members of worser bosses and sooner than later realise how important it is to be human to other colleagues.

Life is no different. We need to realise that “whatever we have achieved in our life is only because of the sacrifices of our parents, teachers and elders. We can afford to ignore them today after we have arrived in life, but life will teach us harsher lessons in the future as we also have to turn old some day.

Let us learn to take care of our parents and elders from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

18th March 2025

There are some events in your life, which leave you teary eyed forever. I can recall a few incidents in my life. The first incident was ,when my mother died. I had just started my career in a public sector undertaking.

The news of my mother’s death reached me through a trunk call ,as mobile phones did not exist ,in the early eighties. I was told by my colleagues at work ,in a remote iron ore mine ,that my mother died in sleep.

I was dropped to the nearest railway station ,in a jeep ,with some cash for any emergencies. I took the train to Nagpur for catching the train to Chennai, where my parents lived.

When I was at the platform at Nagpur station, a Good Samaritan told me ,to catch a train to hyderabad, which was halting at the station. When the guard heard from a young broken and shattered youth of 23, he made me sit next to him and refused to take money for my ticket.

When I reached Hyderabad, this gentleman train guard ,took me out of the station and put me in an auto ,advising the driver to take me to Begumpet. I had never been to Hyderabad before and did not know anything about Begumpet airport, where I was to take a flight to Chennai.

The auto driver took me to Begumpet station and on realising that I have to go to Begumpet airport, took me there from the station and did not even charge ,for that extra drive. On reaching the airport, I realised that I had missed, a slow indirect flight to Chennai and the next flight would be direct one and take me there within an hour.

On arrival at Chennai, a family friend working at the airport, was waiting for me and drove me straight to my home, in a cab and informed my family that I had arrived. My mom’s body was about to be taken to the funeral ground but they waited for me, as I was the eldest son and had the duty to light the pyre.

I did not cry on seeing my mother dead ,as my tears were frozen and I could not believe that I lost my mother at 23, when she was only 54. I felt sad for my father, who had just retired from active government service after 37 years and had lost his life partner ,forever.

The second incident was ,when my father was detected with a kidney failure ,within a month of my marriage. I again returned from my iron ore mine and admitted my father in a private hospital in Chennai.

We gave him the best possible treatment we could and he was put on dialysis. I still recall the moment, when the doctor asked me ,if I need to put him in haemo dialysis ,as it was very expensive and the doctor sensed ,I could not afford it. It was almost Rs. 1000 per session and we had it do it twice a week. I knew I could not afford but told the doctor to go ahead, since I knew I could beg or borrow ,to save my father as he was my inspiration in life and he had sacrificed everything for his spouse and children.

He recovered slightly and was in a position to be shifted to Bhilai, a steel township in India, where I worked. We had good medical facilities and it was provided as a free benefit to employees, their families and their dependant parents.

I shifted him in a train from Chennai to Bhilai and took him straight to the hospital ICU in an ambulance. He was admitted there and unfortunately survived ,only for three months . I still recall how a young teenager from my neighbourhood came home, to wake me up and inform me that my father was no more.

Both these incidents ,broke me into pieces. I lost hope in life and living. I was a religious and spiritual person visiting the temple ,once a week religiously. But after both these incidents in quick succession within two years, I lost faith in God and led a recluse, lonely life for almost a year.

But, I did realise how grateful I have to be to the people, who supported me during these crises in my life. My spouse, my friends and relatives, who unconditionally supported me financially and emotionally to get over these crises. I will be ever grateful to them ,not only in this life but in all future births too. Although, I have repaid all the loans ,I took from them, I can never repay their love, care and emotional support to me. This emotional support, love and care can never be measured in monetary terms.

I have narrated these incidents ,not to make you cry but to share how grateful we need to be to the people, who are with you, when you most need them. It may be the guard in the train, the auto driver, my spouse or my friends or relatives who supported me in every possible way, without expecting anything in return.

Today, God has blessed me with a good family, a good career and and a happy and healthy life. But, if I forget to be grateful to these God sent people in my life, I will fail in my duties. I have to look at every opportunity to express my gratitude to them in every way I can .

Life is a full circle and we need to remember this always. I bow in gratitude to all these good samaritans in my life and promise to support them in every possible way right through my life.

Let my frozen tears be forgotten but my gratitude to the good samaritans in my life has to last forever.

S Ramesh Shankar

6th March 2025