I was watching a music reality show on TV the other night and an old lady, who was an ardent fan of one the contestants had come all the way from an old age home to wish her all the best. She narrated how she was a diabetic and had met with an accident a year back and her wounds were still not healing. She went on to say that she does not get to sleep in the old age home since she has to sleep on hard stone beds. But after, she started listening to her favourite contestant, her melodious voice sways her to sleep.

I am not sure why this old lady ended up in an old age home. However, of late, it is common to hear of children not taking care of their parents. One of the judges on the same show was wondering of how one could leave their parents in an old age home. But that is the reality of today.

We forget people who have reared us and made us what we are today much before the ink dries on the paper we write. Or may be even before that since we no longer use ink to write on paper. It is today the days of mobiles and laptops and we do not even need our brains to write something original since AI does the rest for us.

Gratitude is no longer a value for most of us. We take things for granted. Just like we think that the maid at home or the security guard at work has to be at our beck and call. We do not even wish them back if they wish us “good morning” since we do not have the time for such small things in life.

We imagine that it was the duty of our parents to rear us up since they gave birth to us. They had to educate us and cater to all our needs and greeds since that is what they are meant for. We fail to realise that we may become parents some day and the cycle of life will take a full circle and tomorrow’s children may expect more than what we do today.

We love to ape the developed world almost in everything in life. We want the material comforts of life and best of infrastructure and facilities. But, we will not leave our home to be financially independent after we turn 18 as in the west. We will depend on our parents and leave home only when we are comfortable to lead life independently, financially or we are forced to do so since we are transferred to a location away from where our parents live.

Our duties and obligations are like a one way street. We expect our parents and elders to support us in all ways possible till we are able to stand on our own feet. We think it is their duty and obligation. But, when we grow up and they are old, we wonder how we could support them with our minimal income and increasing cost of living. Our definition of duties and responsibilities are written only on one side of our book.

In Hinduism, we call it “Karma”. Life is a cycle. What goes around, come around. What we do today to others, will come around and hit us some day in our life. Even in organisational life, I have seen that the worst bosses, who treat their senior employees with disdain, end up as team members of worser bosses and sooner than later realise how important it is to be human to other colleagues.

Life is no different. We need to realise that “whatever we have achieved in our life is only because of the sacrifices of our parents, teachers and elders. We can afford to ignore them today after we have arrived in life, but life will teach us harsher lessons in the future as we also have to turn old some day.

Let us learn to take care of our parents and elders from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

18th March 2025

There are some events in your life, which leave you teary eyed forever. I can recall a few incidents in my life. The first incident was ,when my mother died. I had just started my career in a public sector undertaking.

The news of my mother’s death reached me through a trunk call ,as mobile phones did not exist ,in the early eighties. I was told by my colleagues at work ,in a remote iron ore mine ,that my mother died in sleep.

I was dropped to the nearest railway station ,in a jeep ,with some cash for any emergencies. I took the train to Nagpur for catching the train to Chennai, where my parents lived.

When I was at the platform at Nagpur station, a Good Samaritan told me ,to catch a train to hyderabad, which was halting at the station. When the guard heard from a young broken and shattered youth of 23, he made me sit next to him and refused to take money for my ticket.

When I reached Hyderabad, this gentleman train guard ,took me out of the station and put me in an auto ,advising the driver to take me to Begumpet. I had never been to Hyderabad before and did not know anything about Begumpet airport, where I was to take a flight to Chennai.

The auto driver took me to Begumpet station and on realising that I have to go to Begumpet airport, took me there from the station and did not even charge ,for that extra drive. On reaching the airport, I realised that I had missed, a slow indirect flight to Chennai and the next flight would be direct one and take me there within an hour.

On arrival at Chennai, a family friend working at the airport, was waiting for me and drove me straight to my home, in a cab and informed my family that I had arrived. My mom’s body was about to be taken to the funeral ground but they waited for me, as I was the eldest son and had the duty to light the pyre.

I did not cry on seeing my mother dead ,as my tears were frozen and I could not believe that I lost my mother at 23, when she was only 54. I felt sad for my father, who had just retired from active government service after 37 years and had lost his life partner ,forever.

The second incident was ,when my father was detected with a kidney failure ,within a month of my marriage. I again returned from my iron ore mine and admitted my father in a private hospital in Chennai.

We gave him the best possible treatment we could and he was put on dialysis. I still recall the moment, when the doctor asked me ,if I need to put him in haemo dialysis ,as it was very expensive and the doctor sensed ,I could not afford it. It was almost Rs. 1000 per session and we had it do it twice a week. I knew I could not afford but told the doctor to go ahead, since I knew I could beg or borrow ,to save my father as he was my inspiration in life and he had sacrificed everything for his spouse and children.

He recovered slightly and was in a position to be shifted to Bhilai, a steel township in India, where I worked. We had good medical facilities and it was provided as a free benefit to employees, their families and their dependant parents.

I shifted him in a train from Chennai to Bhilai and took him straight to the hospital ICU in an ambulance. He was admitted there and unfortunately survived ,only for three months . I still recall how a young teenager from my neighbourhood came home, to wake me up and inform me that my father was no more.

Both these incidents ,broke me into pieces. I lost hope in life and living. I was a religious and spiritual person visiting the temple ,once a week religiously. But after both these incidents in quick succession within two years, I lost faith in God and led a recluse, lonely life for almost a year.

But, I did realise how grateful I have to be to the people, who supported me during these crises in my life. My spouse, my friends and relatives, who unconditionally supported me financially and emotionally to get over these crises. I will be ever grateful to them ,not only in this life but in all future births too. Although, I have repaid all the loans ,I took from them, I can never repay their love, care and emotional support to me. This emotional support, love and care can never be measured in monetary terms.

I have narrated these incidents ,not to make you cry but to share how grateful we need to be to the people, who are with you, when you most need them. It may be the guard in the train, the auto driver, my spouse or my friends or relatives who supported me in every possible way, without expecting anything in return.

Today, God has blessed me with a good family, a good career and and a happy and healthy life. But, if I forget to be grateful to these God sent people in my life, I will fail in my duties. I have to look at every opportunity to express my gratitude to them in every way I can .

Life is a full circle and we need to remember this always. I bow in gratitude to all these good samaritans in my life and promise to support them in every possible way right through my life.

Let my frozen tears be forgotten but my gratitude to the good samaritans in my life has to last forever.

S Ramesh Shankar

6th March 2025

We seem to be living and dying by comparisons ,every day of our lives. Unfortunately our education system is based on comparisons and so is our societal system. Even within the social unit of family, parents tend to compare and contrast between children.

We have heard parents asking us – “ Why can’t you do as well as your sister or brother ?” We even buy bigger cars because our neighbour has bought one and how can we be left behind. Life is full of comparisons from morning to night.

In my view, life becomes a competitive race only because we live by comparisons. If the neighbour’s child has got admission in a business school or medical or engineering college, parents wonder why ours could not make it. They even fail to understand that we are interested in music and not in business, engineering or medical.

The seeds of comparison is embedded in our blood stream. As soon as we are born, someone may even comment ,that we are not as fair as our siblings. As we grow up, we may be told, we are not as active and smart, as our neighbour’s child. This string of comparisons continues in school, college and even at the workplace.

Let us start from the family. Parents tend to compare and contrast between children. Sometimes even gender discrimination happens within the family. A daughter is told why she is not as smart as the son or vice versa.

This comparison saga continues in the schools. Teachers tend to compare children and ask kids poor in academics ,why they cannot be as smart as the topper in the class. This happens in all aspects of school and college life.

Both parents and teachers ,do not have the time or the inclination to explore what the child wants to excel in. A child may be brilliant in music and another may be a potential sportsperson, capable of representing the country. If both teachers and parents invest their time in assessing and the enabling the child to explore his or her talent and skill, this system of comparisons ,may not harm kids.

Even after you complete your education and get into the precincts of an organisation, leaders tend to compare employees. They wonder, why some employees always excel while others have to be prodded, to even perform. Leaders fail to realise that they have a role to play in identifying what each employee can do best. Some may be creative while others may be analytical. Many managers force creative people to do analytical jobs and vice versa. This leads to wrong comparisons and poor assessments ,ultimately leading to demotivated employees too.

Even societies and nations ,tend to compare and ridicule each other based on their, biased yardsticks of performance. While one country may consider economic prosperity as their goal, another might think happiness is the most important factor ,for their nation. There could be nothing wrong in either. But to compare the incomparable seems to be the order of the day.

Let us learn to live in absolute, from today and discover our real potential as individuals, families, societies and nations.

S Ramesh Shankar

19th Jan 2025