We meet people of different hues in our lives. Some are adorable and a role model in every respect and some we feel like forgetting them as soon as we meet them and experience them the first time. One of my colleagues recently talked about the self motivated and the selfishly motivated people in the world.

I thought about the people I have met and worked in my life and wondered if I could distinguish between the self motivated and the selfishly motivated people in my life. What are their distinguishing characteristics , how do we differentiate them and how do we deal with them in our lives ?

Lets start with the self motivated category. These people are like live electric wires around us. It is easy to spot them. They inspire you with their actions and are always willing to work for your success. They never give up and never allow others around them to give up either. Their motivation comes from within and they are selfless. Their motivation against all odds is infectious and positively impacts others’ lives.

On the other hand, the selfishly motivated are self centred. They believe that they are born in this world to succeed at any cost. Their motivation comes from outside. They want to win at any cost. Others success or failure is of least concern to them. They may appear to be outwardly inspiring but are inwardly hollow. You can see through them as they do not have any depth in themselves. They may put down others to ensure their own success.

Now is the tough question, as to how to deal with these two categories. The first category of self motivated people are easy to deal with. The motivation touches you and hence the more we interact with them, the more they inspire us. They are born optimists and never give up under any circumstances. Even a cup of tea with such people helps you to energise yourself and hence we should not miss any opportunity to be with them. We should spot them in the family, work place or society and find ways and means to be with them.

On the other hand, the selfishly motivated category may be avoided to say the least. They set the wrong role models in society. They create a political work place and are always working at their goal accomplishment at the cost of everybody around them. While one may learn from their determination, one may be demotivated by their behaviour. It may be sometimes difficult to avoid them if they are members of your family, colleagues at work or even your boss. It is best to spend the least time with them and learn from their dogged determination to achieve their goals. One may consciously avoid to learn the selfishness from them.

As in the photo above, the self motivated will find a road for themselves and others while the selfishly motivated will find a road to escape from others.

The world is a mixture of selfless and selfish people. The former are self motivated and the latter are generally selfishly motivated. It may sometimes take time to distinguish the two. But our honesty will make it easy to know the difference. Once identified, we can do everything to be with the self motivated and avoid the selfishly motivated whenever possible.

Let us learn to be self motivated.

S Ramesh Shankar

5th August 2018

All of us would have had multiple bosses in our career. Some good, some better and some best. Most of the bosses I worked have inspired me and provided me bundles of opportunities to learn. However, we do end up with one boss, who does not inspire us at all. On the contrary, it would be a nightmare to get up every morning and meet this boss. Further one’s motivation would be the least when you have to work with such a boss.

There are two people in life who we do not choose. On the contrary, they choose us. The first is our mother and the second is the boss. A mother along with her spouse decides to conceive us in her womb. Similarly, a boss recruits us and is willing to take the risk with us by giving us an offer of employment. So, we neither can choose our mother nor can we choose our boss at anytime in our life.

Now that we do not have a choice, what do we do. We have two primary choices. One is to quit and run away from this boss at the earliest possible opportunity. The other is to take this as a challenge and inspire your boss since your boss is not able to inspire you. How do we inspire our boss ? We excel in whatever we do and everyone in our team and outside admires our excellence. In this scenario, this boss will not have an alternative but to be inspired by us. There is a possibility that they may or may not impacted with our inspiration. But, we need to learn to live with this challenge.

I have had the experience of trying out both alternatives. In the first instance, I worked with a boss, who believed that nobody should be trusted unless proved otherwise. I believe in trusting everyone around me till they betray my trust. It was very difficult to work with this boss. I tried all tricks under my sleeve. I tried to excel in whatever I did and also kept myself in projects beyond my scope of work. After three years of sustained efforts I decided to quit. It is better to quit before you lose faith in your own capabilities. It may be just a mismatch between two individuals and their styles they it may be good to part ways rather make each other’s life miserable.

In the second instance, I got the opportunity to work with a boss, who did not inspire me. I believe that leadership is all about personal credibility, trust and values. This boss never walked the talk. Trust was one sided and values were relative. On the other hand, for me leading by example was the only way to lead your team. Trust was mutual and built through the robustness of your actions. Values were absolute and non negotiable. I decided that I will try my best to excel and inspire my boss through my actions. This worked and then the feedback from my team and my colleagues made my boss to realise my value.

It may be easier to write about this subject today then to experience it in your every day life. I can easily state that it is indeed a frustrating experience when you go through it. However the true leaders are willing to sacrifice the present for the future. One needs to learn to deal with the challenges of today for a better tomorrow. There is no gain in life or career without any loss. One has also to remember that a boss is an inevitable part of one’s career. It is better to learn to deal with one’s boss effectively rather than crying wolf all the time.

We may not get to meet , see or choose the boss as in the photo above. However, if we are willing to look at the mirror often, we can turn out to be a better boss than what our team members expect us to be.

The best lesson to learn is to look at the mirror. We need to remember that all of us are also bosses for someone in our team and hence if we can practise what we expect from our bosses, life would better , brighter and happier.

Time to start is today.

S Ramesh Shankar

22nd July 2018

One of my ex colleagues called me up today and stated that she wanted to change her job. When I enquired the reasons for the same, she said she was not happy with the team. I have heard some say they dont enjoy their job anymore. There could be many other reasons for not enjoying whatever you do in life.

One of the most complex questions in life is – “What do I enjoy doing in life ? . Each of us are trying to discover the ever elusive joy in whatever we do. The good news is that we are not different from others. While this may look simple, it is possibly the most difficult to answer to find oneself.

It is fine to live in a world of ambiguity and keep discovering and rediscovering ourselves till we reach a stage, where we feel we have arrived in life. This is true for life and also for career or vocation.

I remember reading an article in the Harvard Business Review long time back entitled -“Job- Sculpting”. Our sculpting a job or vocation is like a sculptor crafting a piece of art. Many a time the sculptor may start with something in mind and end up producing something else. It is no different in life.

Our ability to try many times, fail or succeed and redesign our path will possibly take us closer to our dream destination. It is almost like someone searching for happiness around the world till they realise that happiness lies in discovering it from within and not without.

Most of us in the past took a field of education not because we were excited about it but because our parents or elders or well wishers thought that it was the best for us. They may have been right or even wrong. We may discover this along the way. As we complete our education and move on to a career or business or vocation, we may realise that what we studied is not what we wanted to. It is important to realise that this is fine and we need to learn to move on with life.

Our career choices are no different. If we started our career in a particular function, we may have done so because we did not have a choice when we started or it paid us well or was near our home. While mid way in our career, one day we may realise that this is not what we enjoy.

We need to realise that most of us go through this dilemma and it is natural and nothing to be worried or ashamed of. However, what is important is to discover what you want to do and how to do it ? If we spend the rest of our lives trying to discover what we enjoy doing, then we may not get much time to do that very thing.

The earlier we ask ourselves searching questions, the better it is for us. It may help to have a life coach, who can help us ask the right questions and find answers ourselves. Once we know the questions, it may be easier to find the answers. It is like if we know where we want to go and our destination is clear, it is easier to decide the path we want to take.

Another important factor for those in a job is about not only enjoying what you do but also enjoying the company of your team along the way. We need to remember that the world is not ideal and nor are we. Just like we have our strengths and improvement areas, so do others. If we wait for the day to work in a dream team, where every member is ideal, it may remain a dream.

It is like the best players in a team will not look to play in a dream team. They will always look for how best they could contribute to make their team a great team. If we start looking at life as full of possibilities, then it turns out that way. On the other hand, if we think that there is a speed breaker in life at every corner, then may be it will be that way.

It may be easier to change oneself rather than attempting to change others. This is the simple truth of life. The best players in sports excel in whatever they do. They not only compete with others but try to compete with themselves to be the best version of themselves. In life, we need to believe that the world is looking at us rather than we looking at others to excel.

As in the photo above, a drive through the forest may kindle your love for nature and that could be the career break you are waiting for. You could become a naturalist or a forest service officer and spend your life in forests amidst nature.

Life is a journey of discovery every day. We need to enjoy the journey, the company and the destination. We need to believe in ourselves more than others and look at life as a string of possibilities always.

Let us discover ourselves everyday.

S Ramesh Shankar

9th April 2021