I got married 37 years back and live with my life partner and travelled around India and the world. One of the questions many people have asked me as how do we maintain individuality even in a harmonious partnership like ours.

I am not sure if I have perfected this art but I can say confidently that both of us have found our own paths. We are different personalities. I am an extrovert and my partner is more of an introvert. I enjoy driving, playing with gadgets and meeting people of different genres, while my spouse is the other way round.

Our ability to find “me time” and “we time” helps us strike the right balance in life. We both enjoy walking, travelling to places, yoga and music. So every day we have been going for a walk for almost three decades. We have been doing yoga together daily for more than five years. We have travelled around the country and some parts of the world and enjoyed our time together.

However, I do enjoy my “me time” exploring new gadgets and visiting business schools or engineering colleges to share my experience. On the other hand, my wife loves to learn new arts and crafts and write poems when she wants to express her emotions. This is our way of giving space to one another. Similarly, I enjoy sports, while she enjoys gardening and we are perfectly fine with each others varied interests.

We need to find ways to supporting each other in both frames. There may be times when we want to be together and there could be other times when we want to be left alone. Each of us needs to find ways and means of respecting each other’s time.

We may sometimes feel that our partner is not interested in what we want to do and that is perfectly human to feel so. Our partner may feel the same about us too. In such situations, good communication between us may help us prevent any misunderstandings.

It may be sometimes worthwhile to transition from “me” to “we” and then “us”, as we also need to remember that we are part of a bigger family and hence our ability to balance our time share between self, partner and family folks becomes important.

One of the challenges we face while juggling between me, we and us is our ability to manage time. We may at times get carried away by our own personal or joint interests and in this process may hurt our partner or other family members.

It is important to realise that “me time” is as important as “we time” to build and sustain a relationship. The ability to understand ,when and where which one is more important than the other makes one an endearing partner in life.

We need to respect others “me time” as much as we would want them to respect ours. Similarly, we need to find ways and means to have a “we time” together so that it helps us build and endure our relationship.

Let “Me” lead to “We” and also the other way around.

Lets try from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

15th May 2021

 

A butterfly plant looks so innocuous but has the capacity to attract the best of butterflies all around it (as you can see in the photo above). Life is no different. We meet people who look very simple and unassuming but they have the best talent in the world.

I have experienced this right through my life and career. I have met people from all walks of life. People who are well read and authorities on any subject hardly make their presence felt. The first name which comes to my mind is one of my professors in college. He used to wear simple clothes and even had unkept hair . Anyone who did not know him may not imagine that he was a walking encyclopaedia. We could go and ask him on any subject under the sun. In the days when internet was non existent, he would track information from sources unknown and keep piles of paper and books tattered all around him.

I have a close friend who hails from a remote village in Maharashtra. He studied there and then moved to Mumbai and all over the country and specialised in the field of ERP. Today he has settled down in New Jersey and is a world authority on payroll. His books are published worldwide. If you meet him, you will not be able to make out. He is modest in his dress and demeanour. He is an authority on his subject. You ask him any question on ERP systems and he will either know the answer or find the answer for you.

Another person I have met is the founder promoter of an industrial group in India. They are in the automobile sector and are known for their ethical way of doing business. This leader goes around in a simple kurta and even when he was an active CEO of the group, he would make his presence felt by his absence. His simplicity and ethics inspired you to give your best. I remember an incident when it was his daughter’s marriage and he came to me in my office to request for a photocopier from our office to be installed in his home. He requested me to note the meter number before it is dispatched and on return so that he could pay for the actual use of the photocopier. Such was the simplicity and ethics of this great leader. His looks will never make you believe that he is a billionaire.

If you look at the people in public space who excel in their respective fields too, we realise that it is not their looks which impresses you. Their humility and modesty blows your over. In their presence, we feel insignificant with their ocean of knowledge or expertise. They again prove that looks could be deceptive. A very ordinary looking person may be a super human. A good example for all of us in India from the public figures is our late President Bharat Ratna Dr. Abdul Kalam.

The lessons one can learn from such wonderful human beings is that looks ultimately does not matter. Our work or knowledge or skills can speak for itself as long as our behaviour is impeccable and we have a thirst to learn for life. They excel in whatever they do. They are simple in look, dress and behaviour and very grounded. Their quest for learning is limitless. They are eager to share their knowledge with everyone as they believe that sharing is learning too.

Is it time to look at the mirror.

S Ramesh Shankar

16th July 2020

I am not sure if my mobile is dependent on me or me on my mobile. In all likelihood, the way I am behaving nowadays I seem to be more dependent on my mobile rather than my mobile on me.

Now the next question to ask is – whether it is good or bad. Most people may say that there is nothing good or bad in life but everything is relative. However, I sometimes wonder what will happen to me if I become too much dependant on any thing or person.

As a kid you may be dependent on your parents, then on your siblings, friends and colleagues in life. As you grow into an adult, you want to be independent in most aspects of your life.

Similarly, today technology gives you many gadgets to make your life easy and comfortable and thats a good development. However, as we tend to become addicted to some of them, then it may be time to reflect and ask a question to ourselves – am I getting addicted to it ?

Today I realised the same and asked myself – am I dependent on my mobile or is it the other way around. I realised that I have become dependant or I may even say addicted to my mobile. Addiction in any form may be more harmful than helpful.

I tend to spend a lot of time on my mobile from the time I get up till I sleep. While I have justifications for all the time I spend, may be it is time to challenge myself. I may feel that I am connected to the world. I get to know what is happening around the world in seconds thanks to the news app.

Similarly I am connected to family and friends all the time and can share my joy and sorrow through social networking apps. The email and communication apps keeps me connected to my world through emails and messages. However, the question I need to ask myself – is it worth all the time I spend on my mobile ?

I need to recall the quality of time I spend with my family and friends in real time. Do I have to time to pick up the phone and talk to people ? Do I remember birthdays or other important occasions of my near and dear ones. Do I surprise friends or family with a personal visit ?

How much time am I able to spend learning new things or living my passion ? Is the mobile phone and other gadgets invading my personal space and thereby reducing the quality of my life.

I have decided to challenge myself and ensure that I use my mobile and other gadgets only to enable me to be more productive. It may be worthwhile from time to time to ask myself – is it time to reset my buttons . There is no absolute in life. Everything is relative and we need to be our own judge. Let not others judge us and give us advice. Let us be our own bosses and steer our life the way we want to.

Is it a good wake up call ?

S Ramesh Shankar

5th April 2021