A touch can mean many things to many people. The mother’s touch can mean a world to a child. A father’s pat could mean recognition for others. A partner’s touch could kindle romance between couples. An opponents touch could be a fowl in a soccer field.

So the same touch could mean different things to different people in different contexts. Today kids in school are taught about “good touch” and ” bad touch”. This is because it is necessary to recognise the intent of the touch. As an adult, we are able to make our judgement in most cases but kids get misled by inappropriate touches.

In some contexts, a touch is very effective to soothe a person. For example when a person is bereaved of a close friend, relative or even a pet a warm hug can help console a person. On the other hand, when a person wants to be left alone, a touch could intrude into their privacy.

We need to understand the culture and values of the people around us to use touch appropriately in our dealing with them. While one can be liberal with family members and friends as we understand them and they do the same. But when we use touch as a means of communication or conveying our feelings with others we need to understand how they perceive it in a particular context before we use it.

Even within the family, we need to understand how touch is perceived by people around us. While a warm hug is considered appropriate in some families, it may not be so in others. Even shaking hands between men and women is appropriate in some cultures and not in others.

A child’s touch is always comforting to a mother as in the photo above.

Even in cultures, where touch is considered appropriate while communicating with others, there may be individuals who are not comfortable with touch. Hence, it is important to use touch only after we understand the other person well and their culture.

Touch is also used as therapy to cure some illnesses. A massage is a common use of touch especially in Ayurveda for curing many types of illnesses. However, it is used only by trained therapists who know to use them appropriately with the right kind of pressure on the body. If inappropriately used, it could lead to more problems than solutions.

Even animals love touch as an expression of emotions. Dogs feel loved and cared when they are touched. However, if we end up touching a poisonous snake, we may end up being bitten. It is important to realise that we need to know how the animal will react to our touch before we touch them.

Humans are no different. While one person may feel loved and cared, the other person may feel hurt by the same touch. Hence it is critical to understand people and cultures before touching anyone around us.

Let us learn to touch appropriately.

S Ramesh Shankar

16th May 2018

Life is an interaction between individuals. We tend to generalise things and blame institutions around us for our state of affairs. Lets start with our family. A family is a social institution of well knit members . A family is not a physical house or our material belongings.

But it is unfortunate that many families end up in courts over property rights or to claim share of their wealth. They do not realise that family is the network of human relationships. It has to be enjoyed through love and sharing only. No amount of wealth can bring joy and happiness to family members if we are reluctant to share joy with each other.

Similarly, an organisation is not a physical building, factory or a set of computers. An organisation is a network of people working in it. It is the quality and richness of their relationships, which determines the culture of that organisation. Factories may come and go, buildings could be rented or leased but it is the people working there who make all the difference to the effectiveness of the organisation. The sooner we realise it as leaders the better the chances of success of the organisation.

It is equally true for a nation. The world’s wealthiest nation is the not the happiest country in the world. If money could buy everything in life, then the wealthiest nations should have been the happiest. It is not so because happiness is an index of our quality of relationships.

Interestingly most of us as individuals focus more on ourselves than on others. We want to acquire material wealth in all possible forms and at the shortest possible time. As we do this, we may not be bothered much about our relationships around us. We forget to nurture even our family relationships.

This nature continues and we are least bothered about the people around us. We start believing that our wealth can get us everything and anything in life. It is only when a crisis( like the current pandemic) hits us, do we realise the value of relationships and other people in our lives. If God forbid, we fall sick and get hospitalised, we look for friends and relatives to nurture us.

This brings us to the basic need to value life and relationships in life. The focus has to move from “ME” to “WE”. While it is human to accumulate wealth and focus on self, the sooner we realise the existence of other human beings around us and value them, the better it is for us.

Human interactions are always between two individuals and not with a statue or an inanimate object as in the photo above.

This reflection may help families, societies and even nations to prosper. The reason could be that the focus is on building relationships and spreading happiness rather than competing with each other to accumulate more wealth and at many times at the cost of other families, societies or nations.

Life comes a full circle. The realisation that happiness in life is based on the quality of our relationships rather than our wealth will make us reflect. This reflection may help us change course and improve the quality of our lives.

Our new year resolution can be – ” How many people can I make happier every day in the new year ?”

Lets reflect today.

S Ramesh Shankar