Life is all about relationships. It starts in the family and then spreads to friends, society and organisations we work for. Each relationship is built over time and we need to nurture and grow them so that we source and spread happiness from them.

Every relationship has a value and we need to learn to benefit from that value. However , as we learn and grow in life, there would be some relationships which will grow with us and others ,which we find it difficult to handle. This happens in the family, organisations and society at large.

As social beings, we cannot run away from relationships around us. We need to learn to manage them and learn from them ,all the time. The relationships which are cordial and grow with us, nurture us and teach us ,a lot of life lessons. These could be relationships like parents, siblings, spouse, kids and friends.

However, there could be other relationships like work colleagues or neighbours or others, which may or may not grow ,as we desire. It is true that all types of relationships could be cordial or otherwise. We need to continually learn to live and manage them.

Let us start with relationships within the family. It could be a misunderstanding between parents and children or between siblings. The senior members like parents or elder siblings have the responsibility to take the initiative and ensure cordial relations.

Similarly at the work front, there could be misunderstanding and strained relationships between colleagues. There again, the senior most member or leader ,has the responsibility to sort out differences and maintain good relationships amongst team members.

The question we may ask ourselves is – “ How do we manage difficult relationships ? Yes, it is true ,that it is challenging to manage difficult relationships. However, the point to realise is that, in any relationship there are generally two individuals involved. If the senior among the two ,takes the initiative to sort out the differences, any misunderstanding can be sorted out.

If one takes the example of the union-management relationship in organisations, I would say the responsibility lies with the management as the senior partner ,to take the initiative ,to keep communication channels open, be honest with each other, to sort out any differences.

So, let us try to understand, how to go about managing difficult relationships. I have learnt that the following steps have helped me to manage the most difficult relationships in my life :

A. The senior most member takes the responsibility to take the initiative to resolve the differences and re build the relationship.

B. Open and honest communication is the key to resolve any differences. We need to put everything on the table and agree to work together with the intent to solve any misunderstandings between us.

C. Trust is key. We need to build and evolve trust between individuals and teams, where relationships are strained ,through our actions and not by words alone.

D. Willing to listen and forgive : We need to actively listen to one another and be willing to forgive one another ,so that we forget the past and move forward into the future, positively.

I am not saying this is a sure shot prescription for success ,in mending any strained relationship. But, may be, it could help in breaking ice and moving forward.

Let’s try one step at a time.

S Ramesh Shankar

10th Jan 2025