Everyday, we may encounter many situations in life, where we may not understand what is being said or done. Sometimes, we may be ignorant and at other times irritated at such experiences. But it is important to remember that what we don’t understand need not be wrong.

Let me explain this simple truth of life, through some real life examples. A kid may cry to the doctor about pain in her hand. The doctor may examine and clinically certify that there is nothing wrong with the hand of the kid. But the truth of the kid is her truth, although the doctor is not able to understand or diagnose the root cause of the pain, the kid continues to suffer.

Similarly, when a child leaves home for higher studies to another country, the parents feel the vacuum. The child feels that there is nothing to worry about as she plans to return home after studies. However, the pain of the parents cannot be truly understood by the adolescent and none may be wrong on either side.

There are many such instances at the work place too. If a team member complains of some complexity in solving an issue, we may not understand the same ,as we tend to look at such complaints as excuses, to not complete the job on time.

Even in life when a newly married daughter or daughter in law cries, the spouse may find it weird and incomprehensible but our inability to understand the issue ,does not mean there are no issues.

The simple thing to do in all such situations, is to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and look at the world from their eyes. We may discover a new perspective about the issue. We need to realise that everybody’s truth is their truth and if we fail to understand the same from their viewpoint, the problem is ours, not theirs.

One may say that it is easier to write on this issue rather than experience it. I do not deny the same. However after experiencing life at home, in the society and at work, I can confidently confess ,that I have failed many times in such situations.

Our ability to empathise is easier said than done. For eg, when two partners in a marriage fight with each other, each one thinks the other is the problem. They neither have the time nor the patience to listen to one another or put one another in each others’s shoes.

It is similar between siblings or sometimes even with neighbours. We end up fighting on a non issue and can never appreciate the other person’s perspective , since we think it is a non issue and since we do not understand or try to comprehend it ,from their view point.

Life is that way. Our ability to “let go” our ego is the biggest challenge before us. Our “ego” comes in the way, most of the times. A fight between two spouses can easily be resolved , if one is willing to be an active listener and is willing to let go and forgive the other. But, at the heat of the moment, nobody wants to do it and that is real.

However, as time passes in life, we realise that our ability to listen and let go ,can help us tide over most of the challenges we face in life. If we are willing to be patient, listen actively and let go our ego, most of the issues we face in life , are non issues. We may even laugh at ourselves after such an event, when we look back and realise how stupid or silly we could have been.

Let us learn to look at the world through other peoples’ eyes too.

S Ramesh Shankar

17th Sep 2023