I have been a student of sociology for many years now. I have always wondered why “family” as a social institution is breaking down in India like the west.

While it is a great idea to ape the west for all the good things they have, vis a vis the east, it may not be a good idea to learn how to degenerate social institutions like family from anyone.

Family is the basic unit of society. It is built around parents and children. Historically, in India, the joint family was prevalent where multiple generations lived together. This ensured that the seniors acted like mentors for the juniors and there was social support all around every individual.

Joint families have given way to nuclear families today and nuclear families are gradually but surely leading to live in partners and family as an institution , is breaking down.

I remember my childhood where I would always dream of growing up, settling down in life and my parents staying with me and giving an opportunity for me to take care of them , for all that they did for me. However, this remained a dream , as my parents died at an young age.

Today with the world as the market place for talent, it has led to individuals migrating and settling, in different parts of the world. This has led to parents staying back in India and taking care of themselves. Even in India, with children working in different parts of the country, parents stay on their own , in their home turf.

While we can neither blame the children nor the parents, family as an institution has indeed broken down. I shudder to even imagine , my parents living in an old age home. But today it is a reality. Children put their parents in old age homes since they are not able to be with them due to physical reasons but have the financial capacity to sponsor their stays.

Parents have accepted this reality but emotionally break down as they have only walls and furniture for their company in old age homes. It is indeed a vicious circle and may be difficult to find an optimal solution.

Just like the pandemic ensured that we find the right balance between work and life, it may be time to rethink our priorities in life. We need to think if taking care of our family and seniors at home is important or only climbing up personal career ladder , at all costs. If there is a conflict on either of these, which one would you choose?

I am not sure if we have the answer to all the difficult questions of life. However, on reflection, I believe that at every stage of life, we have a choice and it is upto us to define and redefine our priorities in life. We may go wrong at times and it is ok. But, reimagining and reviewing our priorities in life ,from time to time ,may help us be on track.

It may be time to think of returning to the joint family system of our forefathers where multiple generations lived together and provided a social security net within the family. Even with multiple family members working, there was always someone in the family to look for emotional bond.

I do not have any solutions to this social problem because every family may have a different challenge to handle. But I do think that we have a lot to learn from our forefathers.

Time to think ?

S Ramesh Shankar

20th May 2022.