Tag: life

Sea Change


We watch people around us every day.  Most people grow from childhood to adulthood and their behaviour and actions are quite predictable.  We form our own opinion about them based on their behaviours and generally it is quite as expected.  But, sometimes people change and this change is unbelievable.  We sometimes feel that even animals are more predictable than human beings. I would like to share some examples from my life to illustrate this better.

We had a driver in Bangalore.  He was very sincere and committed to work.  He was a bachelor and was quite self disciplined.  I even enabled him to buy a motorcycle by helping him with a vehicle loan from a bank.  He continued to work well .  He was an occasional smoker and may be had an occasional drink too.  But, all of a sudden he changed.  He went home for a vacation and when he returned, he turned to alchohol and his behaviour turned from bad to worse.  He started absenting frequently and became less disciplined at work.  I moved to another location and hence he started working with someone else.  But, after he moved away from me he stopped repaying the auto loan and his life became quite a mess.  I could not believe such a young and committed boy transforming himself in such a dramatic way.

We had a servant cum cook at home.  She was very honest and hard working.  She had a smiling face and was punctual and dedicated to her work.  She supported my wife almost on everything in my house.  She was married and her husband worked as a Gardner in our own campus. Both their children studied well and we were happy to support them in their education.  But, suddenly one day when my wife and me had gone on a vacation, she ended up stealing some ornaments and when confronted denied doing so.  Further, she deserted her husband and eloped with someone else and this again was unbelievable.  By the grace of God, her husband continued to be honest and dedicated and she returned to him after her paramour ditched her after some months.  

In the third instance, we had a colleague who was quite close to us.  Our families were close friends and we visited each other almost every weekend.  All of a sudden he stopped talking to us .  He avoided us and would not visit us on weekends.  He had advised his wife and daughter not to talk to us or visit us.  We found it strange since there was no conflict between us nor any misunderstanding.  I tried to talk to him to sort out any wrong notions but he ignored all my efforts in this direction.  It was unbelievable but true.  It took years for him to realize that there was nothing wrong between us and today he has started talking to us again after almost a decade.

So, life is unpredictable and sometimes people around you go through a sea change.  Many a time, you can never understand why this happens.  It is very difficult to accept it as a reality.  All your efforts to get to the root cause gives you no clue.  You then leave it to time to heal itself.  Sometimes it works and at other times it does not.  But, it is intriguing and unpredictable.

This is life and we have to take it as it comes.

S Ramesh Shankar

Words


Words have life infused in them. If used appropriately in the right context, words can add meaning to life. Words could be verbal or written. It could be prose or poetry. It does not matter. What matters is the choice of words and the occasion to use them.

Do we realise that every word we speak impacts others ? We sometimes are reckless in our choice of words. We do not realise that our children at home or our team members at work could be impacted by the words we use. If we are generous and kind, the future generations will value kindness and generosity. On the contrary, if we are rude and arrogant, the younger generation will consider that to be the best use of words.

It is equally true in written text. Today, we use emails as a norm in our personal and professional life. It is efficient and cost effective. It reaches in seconds and is transmitted seamlessly across the world. What we may not realise is that choice of words reflect our personality. Most of us are in a hurry and we do not spend enough time to choose our words. We are not bothered about the content or the target reader as long as we think we have conveyed our message.

In communication, there is a beautiful quote, which says ” I know, you believe, you understand what you think I said. But, I don’t know whether you realise that what you heard is not what I meant. ” There can always be a slip between the cup and the lip. Hence, it is important to choose every word we use – irrespective of whether we are speaking or writing.

No wonder the great statesmen in the world chose their words in speeches and in their essays. Every word was always loaded with meaning and had a context. Every word pierced your heart and you could never forget what they meant. I assume they spent a lot of time in their choice of words. They were clear of their target group and reflected on it.

I have been frivolous in my choice of words. It has made me learn a lot of lessons in life. Now, after committing many mistakes in my life, I do realise the value of words I use in life. I am cautious now both in verbal and written communication. I take my time to prepare a speech or write an article. I realise it is useful not only for me to convey my message but also helpful for the audience to get it almost as I want it to be conveyed.

Words are like an arrow. Once released from your mouth or your pen, they cannot be retracted. Hence, it is all the more reason for us to be careful. We need to choose our words and the context in which we are using them. Every word is valuable and you realise it when you are asked to convey your message in a specified number of words.

“Not the last station from the south but the first station towards the north” signifies in words the emotions of the people of north and south Korea to unite some day.  This was picturized in the photo above at the border station Dorasan of South Korea.

All of us will remember that it is tougher to write a precise than an essay on any subject.  

Do you agree ?

S Ramesh Shankar

“How much is good enough ?”


If each of us ask ourselves, “how much money is good enough?”to lead a happy life, we may not give the same answer.  Each of us try our best to be successful in life.  Each of us define success in our own way.  There is nothing right or wrong about our own definitions in life.  After all, each of us have a way of defining success and happiness in life and have our own priorities.

As we grow in life and career, we work hard and put our best foot forward.  We assimilate  material wealth one by one as we gradually increase our purchasing power in life.  We buy a two wheeler, a car, a house and so on.  Every time, we think we have arrived in life, we dream for more.  The needs increase and so does the greed.  In my view, there is nothing wrong with this journey.  We all have gone through it and so will the future generations.

However, it may be worthwhile to understand why this happens ?  If you ask a college student, when she would settle and be happy in life, she may say, the day I get a job and settle down.   If you ask a single working professional,when he wants to get married, he might say that the day I am able to stand on my own feet, I will.   If you ask a newly married couple, if they have arrived in life, they would say yes the day they are blessed with a kid.  If you ask a young mother, if she considers all her needs in life fulfilled, she may say yes the day her child finishes her schooling.  Then, you may ask a middle aged parent, if he is happy, he may say the day his child finishes education, gets a job and gets married.  This way the cycle repeats itself.

Does this mean that we are never happy in life ?  Does this mean that nobody feels content with what they have ?  It may or may not be true.  It is human nature to seek more from life all the time.  As I said, all of us go through this cycle of life.  Some of us realize that this is an endless cycle sooner than others.  It is this ability of fulfilling needs and balancing greed, which may help us to the road  of happiness.

I remember I started my career with a meagre salary in 1981.  I have grown in my professional and personal life.  However, I did realize somewhere in my mid career years that happiness and wealth do not necessarily have a direct correlation.  You could be happy in life with whatever you have or be unhappy in life with all that you dream to have and elusive today.  Happiness is a state of mind.  It’s an attitude to life and living.  Happiness is derived from contentment and our ability to balance need and greed.  We need to fulfill our needs and not our greed.  

Hence, if I try to answer the same question today- ” How much in life is good enough ? ” – I would say that much, which fulfills all your needs.  The day we can draw the line between need and greed and also learn to be content in life, we may be happy.   Many a time, we wait for a tomorrow to be happy in life.  That tomorrow may not arrive.  It may be a good idea to enjoy today with whatever we have rather than regret waiting for that elusive tomorrow in life, which never arrives.

Like in the photo above, my wife was filled with joy after buying this attire in a road side shop in Cairo. It is not the brand or the price of the dress but the joy of being colourful and content with what you have.

The choice to be happy or unhappy is always with us. Enjoy today, forget tomorrow.

S Ramesh Shankar